Question - because I know this is going on and she knows that I know, should I be monitoring her emails and various electronic communications?
This affair she is having is with a guy who is married with wife and family in another state, should I confront him?
I am now taking on 17 year old daughter of wifes to try to get her through school. She is in a downward sprial herself? Should I make W responsible instead of me...
I am desperately looking for direction, support, advice and help...
I feel that m W is now using me... Used money that older daughter had, to pay for a school trip for younger daughter... Cost $600, we just didn't hve the money yet... Feel like W wants me to figure out how we can daughter back. But right now i feel there is now we...
This didn't happen overnight and it won't end overnight.
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Question - because I know this is going on and she knows that I know, should I be monitoring her emails and various electronic communications?
That is a decision you have to live with. Snooping is invasive, controlling , and ends up hurting you WAY more than her. It is also a form of deception, and betrayal. This isn't tit-for-tat here.
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This affair she is having is with a guy who is married with wife and family in another state, should I confront him?
My answer would be, to NOT do this...
He is not the reason you are here, just a symptom of the reason. Lowering yourself to his level....only you can live with that choice.
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I am now taking on 17 year old daughter of wifes to try to get her through school. She is in a downward sprial herself? Should I make W responsible instead of me...
Let me get this straight.....you have been with her for 9 of her years, yet she is STILL just your wife's daughter ?
The relationship between her and her Mother is theirs, not yours. It is not your job to fix that, it is your job to not interfere with it. take responsibility for your relationship with her....and only yours. If she has looked to you in the past for guidance, then do that.
There will be links coming along shortly that Cadet gets thanked way to seldom for....: )
Read them and understand what a person in crisis looks like....
Until then, slow down and give a little more info that might be helpful to others....
Frustration = Anger. You're angry and have every right to be. What's under that anger though?
What expectations and messages ( what ego bruises are being pressed ) are you getting from your anger?
Is it " I can't understand anything." Where the expectation of yourself is that you should always understand, take charge, be decisive and initiate action? This core expectation of oneself usually triggers feelings of frustration and confusion.
Then the question becomes is that a reasonable expectation for you to have of yourself?
Or is it " I can't handle this. " Where the expectation is that you should always be courageous, confident, brave, strong and a good role model. This core expectation of oneself usually triggers feelings of fear and anxiety.
or is it " You aren't being fair." Where the expectation is that others should always be prompt, honest and reasonable toward you, they should respect you. This core expectation of oneself usually triggers feelings of disappointment and discouragement.
Then the question becomes is that a reasonable expectation for you to have of yourself?
Break it down. What are you really feeling?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I'm a coach involved in youth sports. The team I coach is playing in tournament about 50 miles from where we live. The first game this weekend starts at 8:00 am.
I asked W if she wanted to go along. W said yes.
Then I told her about the first game, and she suggested that we use the Marriott points I have to stay the night before and potentially a second night. Room are usually $169 / night...
We haven't been intimate in I can't say how long... She says she wants it to be platonic, but is now wearing the cute PJ's...
Total receiving conflicting messages... How do I approach this weekend?
about 5 yrs ago W changed positions, from a correctional officer in a facility to an admin at HQ.
There is a parole officer opening that she would like to do. W feels that the job she is in now is mundane and boring. W also feels that she does not get the respect that she has aquired with all the 18 year of experience she has accumulated in correction. W feels she treated like an Admin who doesn't know anything.
Given that and I have not done a good job at the following: Smiling Using a pleasant tone of voice Joking Listening (attentively) Showing appreciation (Thank you!) Showing interest (What happened at your meeting today?) Offering sympathy or understanding ( Oh, thats too bad.) Naming feelings (I guess you felt upset when he said that.) Nurturing (Would you like a nice hot cup of tea?) Acts of kindness (I cleaned your dish for you.) Giving positive feedback (compliments, praise, acknowledgement) Using positive labels (Youre so thoughtful.) Using positive words (The weather is fantastic.) Being in your own good, up-beat mood Agreeing Using affectionate terms (endearments, pet names, words of love) Affectionate touch (when it is wanted) Physical intimacy (when it is wanted) Giving gifts, treats Offering help, assistance or advice Giving unsolicited, assistance or advice help (when it is wanted) News, weather and sports (small talk about the events of the day or interesting topics) Greetings and salutations (Have a nice day.) Forgiving (You didnt mean to break my favourite dish ) Compromising, being flexible
I have been more of: Frowning, looking unpleasant Unpleasant tone of voice, snarling, mumbling Showing lack of interest Disagreeing Your own bad mood or poorly managed stress Making requests Giving instructions (unless requested) Making negative comments (This house is falling apart.) Using negative labels (You are being rude.) Verbal abuse (Insults, put-downs, sarcasm, , mocking, swearing) Giving negative feedback (criticism, correction, complaints, judgment, lectures) Any show of anger or displeasure (raised voice, slammed door, hanging up phone, walking out) Threats Ignoring (withdrawal, stonewalling, sulking, lack of attention, neglecting) Acts of unkindness Interrogating Challenging Embarrassing, humiliating Rigidity, inflexibility Directing, insisting, controlling, forcing, steamrolling
So I am not sure going dark or doing a 180 would be in my best interest.
W in fact said at one time that Positive attention is like an aphrodisiac.
So it looks like I need to work on myself and improve in being more positive...
Interested in comments, suggestions, opinions, advice
