Hey, LIS ... just got mostly caught back up on your thread.
Ugg, .... I'm sorry to hear about the latest developments. I know what a blow that must be.
I don't think all is lost .... and that your H is still just really confused about where he is in life and what he wants. No surprise.
But, I also really understand how you feel like you're done with him. I have felt the same.
No magic here, hun. What do you want? If you want to be done, then you can be done. If you want to just live your life independent of H while he figures his out and THEN figure out if you two have a path going forward .... then do that. In any case, expecting him to get his poo in a pile anytime soon is probably unrealistic.
Sorry, LIS. Just live YOUR life. Its all you can do.
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
You know, Ironman, it's really tough right now. He's back. I don't have a clue what I want. It changes by the minute. I guess I want what I can't have. I want my old marriage back when we were happy. That isn't going to happen anytime soon. So I feel like I'm faced with two choices, neither of which I like: 1) Stay in a miserable marriage with a miserable guy 2) Divorce him and be miserable on my own.
Not exactly the stunning choices I was hoping to have in my life.
I was reading a lot on facebook and the articles that they have there. There was one on 12 ways to talk to your man. Have you seen it? Any insight?
LIS .... come on now. You can CHOOSE to be happy with or without him. Time for a 2x4 ...... you HAVE TO GET A LIFE.
One that doesn't depend on his mood. I think you need to start looking at this as if you're married to an alcoholic. Your life has to go on. He's not REALLY in the marriage right now ..... and nothing you can SAY TO HIM is going to convince him to be in the marriage.
So, what can you control? You can control what you do. Get back on those meetup groups. Go make some friends. Plan a fun weekend trip with a buddy or something.
Sorry, you really have to get over thinking that your H is the key to being happy. If he has to be happy for you to be happy .... well then .... fine .... you choose to be co-dependent and unhappy. You can choose that if you like. But it wouldn't be my choice.
Your H is not responsible for your happiness. You are.
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
I agree with ironman 100%, you have to GAL. Everyone on this board is here to support you, I remember a time when I was very frustrated just a few weeks ago, when your post on my thread gave me the strength, inspiration and insight to go on another day... Well, I am still here and so are you.. Don't give up..take care of LIS first, that is all YOU can do. Don't allow him to control your happiness, only you can do that. I am praying for you.
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
So, what are your plans for the weekend? I just texted a buddy to line up something for Sat night. I also went by a Brazillian Jiu Jitsu gym. I think I'll try this one or two days a week for awhile.
Take this as a chance to do whatever you want to do. You don't have to worry about what your H thinks or when you'll be home.
It is a blessing in disguise.
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
