My roller coaster just hit the ground FOBD. Seriously, it's so hard to deal with. He's been sleeping on the couch since he came home. I haven't said a word about that. Just acting happy. Anyway, yesterday during the day he was complaining about falling asleep in the chair and it hurting his neck. I asked if he needed me to wake him up to go to bed. He said yes. Ok fine.
So last night, I woke him up. At first he said he didn't want to go to sleep. (ummmm... he was asleep). Later, I saw he moved to the couch. Perfect.
This morning he comes to give me a kiss goodbye and says, "when you woke me up last night to go to sleep, did you mean on the couch or in the bed?" I said the couch (stupid, stupid me). Later I thought about it and decided to ask him if he wanted to come into the bed. He started ranting that he felt like a guest in his own home and that he thinks he came back too early and that I made him feel really bad last night. So, I try, try, try (with a little help from my friends - Dgal) to talk him off the ledge. I explain I want him in the bed but that I didn't want to insist because I wanted to give him space. I told him that it was a misunderstanding and that if he wants to come into the bed, then just tell me. Well, he continues to rant that I made him feel bad and that he thinks he came back too early. Finally, I said that I felt he was just looking for an excuse to leave. (I've had it!). He denied that and said that we'll talk later.
Honestly, he's unstable. And I'm not sure how many shots I should or need to take before I snap. I'm not a mindreader. And I'm not going to apologize for not being a mindreader. The idea to leave the bedroom was HIS. Always was HIS.
I move between absolutely p*ssed to devastated. What a day.
LIS, it’s ok to feel the way you do, but please don’t harbor it for long. You’ve made amazing progress in the last few days. I am so envious.
The way I read the exchange is emotions from both of you escalated it.
I have been that person ranting. When I ranted I was speaking from pure negative emotion and injured pride. Generally what snapped me out of it was the realization that I had gone to far. The hotter I was the longer that realization took.
IMO That he ended it and wants to talk about it later means he realized what he stands to lose. Give him time to cave on it. I would need to mull it over for several hours to overnight. Let him bring the exchange up after the emotions have cooled.
Try and take the negative emotions out of the equation, you are a good person, you know what you want, you deserve the goals you have set.
I am praying for you
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
"See, that's all I really want to do Billy boy. I want to leap off this pier and fly high in the air, and hang out with the wind and drift with the clouds. And at night, with the moon full and sea wild, I'd meet my lover high on a cliff and we'd, we'd swoop down into the ocean and swim all the way and touch the bottom up through the dark waters and break the surface. Then we'd fly to Jamaica for pina coladas. God, I wish I could do that."
I am very sorry to hear he left again.. You have to decide what YOU can take. It may have been too soon for him to come back, and he may have felt pressure. (in my sitch) I know after last years' WAW with my wife, I moved back in after 2 1/2 months and then slept on the couch in the basement for 4 more months. And then I moved back into our bed together. Just MO and observation from my own sitch. Hang in there, I am praying for you.
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
LIS, Know that you are a beautiful special person. Eventually your H will realize all that these actions have jepordized. I know set backs. I have not come as far back as you did, so my setback is not as deep as yours, but I know the grief.
You are not alone. Try and heal.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
WTH? These WAS are bordering on mentally instable. His kissing you one day and then leaving the next?!?
I guess at least my W is being consistant. She has initiated physical contact of any kind in months, and normally (except for a couple cases) she's almost vommited on me when I've touched her.
I need to find a way for my W to fall in love with me again?! I'm not really sure how to do that?
She's now going to gone without my for the longest period of time in our R (basically 7 nights) in over 10 years!!
My birthday is on Thursday, and I'm really wondering if she is going to call. Her M (my MIL) gave me a card for my birthday yesterday before they left, which I thought was very sweet.
Anyways, I look forwarded to hearing more of the details of your current dilema LIS. I hope by now things are back up at the top of preverbial roller coaster!!
SIC
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
