Not sure I can keep going?

[punchy]

Thought I would post today in order to vent. Nothing has changed in terms of my situation and I am finding it more difficult each day to keep up the effort.

Bomb was dropped almost 16 months ago and I was able to confirm a long suspected EA 3 months ago. From what I have seen the EA is dying out but wife and OM are still communicating at work. Wife has not told me what her plans are and I have not approached her about having an R discussion.

I find it frustrating that the OM knows what is going on but I have no idea other than what I have been able to pull together. Why does a WAW spouse think she can continue to live in the same house without providing any explanation about what she is doing.

Its killing me not to ask about the OM, but I realize I shouldn't go there. Living in limbo, giving a 150% effort everyday with nothing in return is challenging. Wife is still looking for a new job and has an interview next week. Changing jobs would be a major step forward for me in terms of my sanity.

Will stick with the program, but just needed to come here and vent and hopefully get some support. We have 3 young children and I am trying to do what is best for them. No one said this would be easy, but I never imagined how painful this would actually be. Wife is currently taking aSpanish class and she had to describe her family in written Spanish. Her report covered the 3 kids, our dog and her parents. No mention of any husband. Tomorrow is another day.

[Firstlove]

Punchy

Just some words from years gone by from someone who knew challenges and the horrors of battle

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER - give Up
- Winston Churchill

Different battle yes, advice is still valid

[sgctxok]

It took 15 years of frustration, perseverance, and over 5,000 prototypes for James to finally launch the Dyson DC01 vacuum cleaner under his own name. Within 22 months it became the best-selling cleaner in the UK.

[sgctxok]

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan


Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/michael_jordan.html#ixzz1EXK4rKoe

[sgctxok]

Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation.


As athletes, we're used to reacting quickly. Here, it's 'come, stop, come, stop.' There's a lot of downtime. That's the toughest part of the day.

I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying.




I'm not out there sweating for three hours every day just to find out what it feels like to sweat.




I've always believed that if you put in the work, the results will come.




If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.




My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength.


My body could stand the crutches but my mind couldn't stand the sideline.


Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.


Michael Jordan

[sgctxok]

Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.
-- Voltaire




Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
-- Will Rogers




I can honestly say that I was never affected by the question of the success of an undertaking. If I felt it was the right thing to do, I was for it regardless of the possible outcome.
-- Golda Meir






I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.
-- Louisa May Alcott



happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
-- Martha Washington



If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it.
-- Margaret Fuller



If you have made mistakes...there is always another chance for you...you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.
-- Mary Pickford


It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson



Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
-- George Bernard Shaw




Perseverance is failing nineteen times and succeeding the twentieth.
-- Julie Andrews

[Firstlove]

"I have not failed -I have merely discovered 10,000 ways that don't work yet"
-Thomas Edison

While perseverance is a bit of a pain from time to time - it does create tenacity

Perseverance produces endurance, endurance character and character hope

I live and breathe hope -it is in fact my oxygen

[ScaredinCanada]

Thought I would post today in order to vent. Nothing has changed in terms of my situation and I am finding it more difficult each day to keep up the effort.

Bomb was dropped almost 16 months ago and I was able to confirm a long suspected EA 3 months ago. From what I have seen the EA is dying out but wife and OM are still communicating at work. Wife has not told me what her plans are and I have not approached her about having an R discussion.

I find it frustrating that the OM knows what is going on but I have no idea other than what I have been able to pull together. Why does a WAW spouse think she can continue to live in the same house without providing any explanation about what she is doing.

Its killing me not to ask about the OM, but I realize I shouldn't go there. Living in limbo, giving a 150% effort everyday with nothing in return is challenging. Wife is still looking for a new job and has an interview next week. Changing jobs would be a major step forward for me in terms of my sanity.

Will stick with the program, but just needed to come here and vent and hopefully get some support. We have 3 young children and I am trying to do what is best for them. No one said this would be easy, but I never imagined how painful this would actually be. Wife is currently taking aSpanish class and she had to describe her family in written Spanish. Her report covered the 3 kids, our dog and her parents. No mention of any husband. Tomorrow is another day.

I cannot imagine your pain Punchy. I struggle from day to day, but from all appearances there is no OM in my sitch - otherwise we are the same.

The other big difference is the time...you've been in this so much longer that me. I've been trying to set a "timeline" for me, but I've been unable to do it so far. I'm at 3.5 months now, and few months ago I would have never believed I would have lasted this long. You have to do what's best for you at some point.

In my sitch at least, my W finally appears to be realizing how difficult things are going to be, but I swear this is the first time in over 3 months she's even thought about it.

It makes wonder though if I want this M/R at any cost?! What if she decides to "comeback" only from financial concerns?!??! Then do I have to worry that again in the future, when maybe financially things wouldn't be so difficult then she walks for good?

It's not fair, not matter how we handle it. I hope your venting has allowed you to refocus your attention on what matters - YOU!

BITS
SIC

[punchy]

Thanks everyone for the motivational posts. Certainly no shortage of other individuals life lessons to learn from!

SIC...

I have been following your posts because I feel that our situations are very similar. Right now I think that my wife is staying for the kids vs financial reasons. This gives me some comfort because she has focused the attention from her needs to those of our kids.

My challenge is to try and live like roommates for the rest of my life vs husband and wife. Certainly not what I had in mind when we got married. I am sure that the previous version of me, the angry, self-centered person was not what she bargained for either.

I need to keep focused on being the new me, no slip ups and no new reasons for my wife to find fault with me. This evening ended on a positive note with my wife asking if she could come to the gym with me. She recently joined the same gym as me, but was going at different times. I never asked her to go with me because I didn't want to be seen as pursuing.

Funny how we can find hope in the smallest action.

[punchy]

Update...

Not much happening on the home front. Wife has not initiated any R talks and I have resisted from approaching her about either our R or the status of the OM. Valentine's Day came and went with neither of us acknowledging that the day even existed. She did bring home from work a small Valentine's Day Angel which she doesn't know that I have seen. I am guessing that it was from the OM, but am not sure. Its these situations that I find difficult to deal with. The OM can do whatever he wants, but if I want to give my wife something it is seen as pursuing.

They continue to email at work, but its about weird stuff. Last week he emailed her asking if she know where he could buy a large calendar for his fridge?? Wife responded that it was a strange request, but that she had an extra calendar at home that might work. (I have "accidently" misplaced the extra calendar. Guess he will have to buy his own!)

I know snooping is one of the things that we should not be doing, but I do find that in a strange way it actually allows me to connect with my wife. I have insight into what is going on in her life that she currently chooses not to share with me. It also gives me some piece of mind, even though I can't do anything about the situation, it does allow me to see where she is at. I think this is better than not knowing and letting my imagination run wild.

Wife did bring me home a Protein Cookie that one of her co-workers made. My wife knows that I like to eat healthy stuff. Shows me that she does actually think of me at some point during her day.