Wanda, grrr LIS, and everyone else on this board deserves better! I grieve a little for each of us. It is strange how connections by common interests and support through this board can draw forth this well of emotions.
I wish there was a 2X4 for our spouses.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Haven't been on computer in a few days, hard to catch up on posts with cellphone internet access.
I think people rebel against what they know they should be doing sometimes, then blame it on their situation or sig other. So now, he can't blame you. He's (MAYBE) starting to realize he was being a bum and rather than resent someone else (you) for pointing it out or blame (you) for contributing, he has to face up to it. Plus, I am sure with DB'ing you have been more likely to praise/notice when he's done something good and less likely to critique him for bad things. ? Maybe...that's what I am seeing a little more of now.
Congrats on the babies!
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
Well turn of events has been interesting and frustrating. H started texting yesterday...no actually this all started 2 days ago. I got a text from H saying he read the letter i gave him awhile ago. It was quite a heartfelt letter that he wouldn't read before. The next day he texys me that he wants to come over. I tell him no but he shows anyways. We ended up talking for awhile. This is what he tells me...
Things that I have accused him of are probably true. The break down of this M is 100% his fault. He has been an unfaithful husband and done so many things to hurt me. His guilt has made him try to walk out on me many times. There is only so much he could live with and the guilt has been eating him up inside for a long time. he has been a "good boy" for the last 2 years but the guilt still consumes him. He doesn't know how to be honest with me.The convo went on and I did tell H thank you for being a little bit honest. At the very least I can finally know that I am not crazy.
OKAY so now I need a really big 2X4....yup the biggest one you can find.So after all of that....here is comes...we had sex.
H persisted and I finally gave in.Yup....need the 2X4 NOW!!! How stupid was that. He took me out for lunch (paying for the service????) and then hung around the house til 6. He did tell me that HIS friends have made him think that I was having sex with an old friend of his...which I am NOT.
Anyways, after yesterday H has barely spoken to me today. 2 texts all day. so again....in desperate need of 2X4. I am sooo stupid.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
Wanda -- how about I do you a favor and give YOU the 2x4 and you whack me instead. I definitely need a few good ones, plus it might help you relieve some tension of your situation!
Ok, so time for you to back away and redraw boundaries, right? You got info, you were pursued, you feel like you took a huge step back....
Maybe not. If you freak and beat yourself up, nothing good comes of it. So let's call it goodbye sex, not he's coming home sex. Some closure for you after an emotional, validating conversation.
Stay busy, keep saying No as often as you can/it feels right, keep being positive about his efforts to change (when you happen to notice them), and don't chase him or lay everything out on the line next time you see him. Make him ask you to talk and then decide if you want to or if Bond is right and he's just crapping on you.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
Ok I will go with the goodbye sex story. I know what I have to do...just seem to be avoiding it. So thanks MrBond, AJMO and Alamo for your thoughful words. They really mean a lot. This whole thing is just a bunch of crap. WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH CRAP. I hate it.
Time to find my strength. time to fight for me. I am worth more than this. I don't know why I did what I did, But I know what I will not do again. Holy this is hard. H tells me about multiple A and i still have sex with him. WTF? It is all wrong.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
I think it's ok for you to have sex with him because you already did it . You're making good decisions overall and getting to a better place. Forgive yourself for loving him - he's been a big part of your life. It's good that you're focusing on what next.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
Asked H if he could take kids tomorrow from 10-4. He says no. Won't tell me why, just that he has plans. Seems like a huge game with him the last few days. Tells me he needs to spend more time with kids but when given opportunity he totally bales on them. I think H is getting some stupid advice from people.
And yes, I know I cannot control him. I know I cannot make him do things...I know, I am in need of another 2X4....I just have issues when it comes to the kids. H was the first one to bitch if my X was not doing and doing for MY oldest boys. h would complain he didnt give me enough money, didnt spend enough time with them, didnt get involved with them enough...(X lives 5 hrs away and flies boys there 3 to 4 times a year. drives up at least twice a year)
The worst part is, is I know he really isn't doing anything tomorrow. H is being coached to play a game. It's one thing to play games with me, but another to play them with the kids. what kind of a$$ puts his kids last?????
Just frustrated with sitch today. i actually thought he was gonna try the honest route after Thursday...stupid me! Why do I keep falling for his lies????? What is wrong with me?
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
. You're making good decisions overall and getting to a better place. Forgive yourself for loving him - he's been a big part of your life. It's good that you're focusing on what next.