Between you getting to spoon and LIS getting a kiss, I am going to need a cold shower!!! HA!
Good to hear the progress is still moving forward. I am not going to offer any advice here as I am clearly in apprentice mode to you, Denver, 2step and LIS. Keep it up!
BITS never walk alone!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
So glad to see some positive results of all the hard work on here for the DB fans - encouragement is infectious that is for sure. My W came over to dinner at the house last night, we had friends from out of the country in and she agreed to come by for dinner with me, our kids and these friends, that was the second time this week that we had dinner with them, once out at a restaurant and now last night the second time at the house. W is still VERY standoffish and still refuses to talk about our R or a future for us, but at least it was nice to see her here at the house enjoying the company of everyone and laughing, I certainly miss her laughter in the house.
One thing that was an encouragement for me is that my W is actually reading Michele's book The Sex Starved Wife. I know this because it is on our Kindle account that we share and when you go onto the account you can see where the last person who was reading the book left off, so I know that she is reading it. She won't talk about our R but at least she is reading one of Michele's books. I don't know if this is a positive sign or not, I would appreciate any input from anyone on here if you think that is a sign of encouragement or if I am just making this up in my own mind here - what do you BITS think ?
M-58 W-56 Married 33 years BOMB -Sept/10 Separated 8 months
BITS (of Fruit) Firstlove
"Go Confidently in the direction of YOUR dreams - Live the life you've imagined" - Thoreau
I can tell I'm getting a little better at this patience thing. Had another great night. Lots of spooning and that crap (well, not that's it crap) but a good night (not a great night - if you catch my drift).
This morning we're just all hanging out, very cuddly. I mention to the W if we could chat today about the second part of the "apology" that she's wanted from me. We had a great first part on sunday and today was the only good day to chat about it.
She was a little stand-offish and said that she wasn't sure and definitely didn't want to talk about it now.
I was cool and said, "I just wanted to put that out there since we had time today."
I REALLY wanted to say that we needed to talk about it but I quickly quelled that emotion. I got out of the room - not angrily - but to collect my thoughts.
Here's what went through my mind:
Why is it always on HER time? Do I not have a say in this? Why is it that now, after all of this time in our R is it completely one-sided? I always felt that during our R that it was a parntership - is it completely my fault that she felt it wasn't yet didn't tell me? Tell me in a way that I could understand it?
But now that she DOES know that we are both understanding what is going on, she wants to go COMPLETELY on her pace...
OK
So that's what I WAS thinking. I decided to just bottle it up because it hasn't been THAT long since we had a good chat and things are progressing. I realized that if I pushed her before she was ready, that things could blow up in my face and we end up further back.
But here's the cool thing. I thought, when I bottled it up, great - I'm just doing what she did and walk on eggshells around her by not rocking the boat. I'm not looking at it that way now. I see my internal outburst as a sign of impatience and that's it. My lack of patience can get me into trouble and HAS in the past. I'm not letting it now.
Before, this would have ruined my whole day. But now, getting it out (in this forum and journaling) allows me to move past it and continue on my day.
We still may have that convo today and if we do, great - I'm prepared for it.
BUT if we don't - great. I'm prepared for that too.
Is that a lesson for a bunch of us out there?
I hope so.
Because here's the grand scope of things. Remember where you are now and where you WERE NOT where you WANT to be. Just this morning she had her arms around me and let me "explore" a bit in a northern hemisphere(s) I haven't been to in a while
She even did this little thing to me that shows her love - I know it's silly but - she looked at me, smiled and rubbed my head like you do a dog.
I KNOW it's weird but I totally dug it.
THOSE are the things I remember. NOT that she isn't ready to talk about something heavy. We're just letting it happen.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
The apology was something that she talked to the therapist about. It was basically me apologizing for the reason I lost my job...the strip clubs...any other infidelities that she may have felt.
The first apology was for the strip clubs. It bothered her when I would get a lap dance especially after she said not too.
The next is going to be about a friend of ours who kissed me when we were out drinking and I kissed her back. It's a lot more complicated than that but still, I shouldn't have been in that position.
The last one will be the reason I got fired. She still harbors a lot of resentment over my assistant and what happened. I think a part of it is that she thinks that there was some sort of A. After looking back, maybe there was the beginnings of an emotional affair but I shut it down before it went too far. Her other hurt with it was she told me to not even be in the same room as that person and I didn't listen to her. We all know the results of that...
today is a hard day though. I'm glad the ups and downs aren't too high or low.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
