Well after four months of being separated and a month of no communication and being angry at each other i finally filed for divorce and she was served this past Friday. i also cut her off financially with the exception of paying the house and her car payment. I went out with a friend Friday night and she text him during the evening wanting to know if we were out which he responded yes. The next morning she text me with the first initiated text in months, asking if i had fun last night. I responded not really was kinda boring and left it at that. We then discussed our child for a few minutes and i ended the conversation. We text again yesterday and talked for a few minutes about the relationship i started by saying i was sorry for every thing. She responded saying its ok we are both to blame and neither are perfect we just have alot for each other to work on and that she didn't want a big war. Guess its better than being ignored but who knows i think she is still leaning towards following thru with the divorce.
hi john you know, i think that is positive obviously she was thinking about you and missed you but as we all know, it is better not to read too much into things also, i think she may have been a bit shocked to be served with papers the reality of the situation might be settling in on her and she might be more unsure not i would just keep doing what you are doing and see what she does next best of luck
Thanks grr believe me Ive learned not to read into anything she does or says. But if she is becoming unsure i'm the last person she would let know. Just curious why she ask if i had a good time the night before she has never done that.
John: It sounds like you both made baby steps. Don't focus on it too much other than put in your back pocket as a positive. You both made a huge step by acknowledging each others feelings, taking ownership and apologizing for them.
Continue working on yourself; sounds like your W is doing the same. When you both get healthier, you can start to get to know the new you that you both have become. Start of as friends again and possibly rebuild. This can happen whether te D happens or not. You have to reconnect before you can reconcile. Both of you have trust issues with each other I'm sure at this point.
I think it sounds positive. Cool!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
i think its definitely a positive because she has ignored every text i sent for the last month. But who knows she may be just softening me up so i wont fight in the divorce.
The thing that interested me most was her texting my buddy and asking if we were out then texting me the next day asking if i had fun the previous night.
I take that as a positive update. At least she is initiating the conversation.
I often wonder in my situation that my wife is leading me on, trying to prevent the divorce until we can rebuild our friendship first. With a six month old son and her long same sex affair, she is petrified that I will go for full custody even though I tell her I want split custody if it ever comes to that. I guess we will see.
Glad to hear she is at least texting you.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Thanks sparks its not much but at least it tells me i'm still on her mind.I think the biggest obstacle i have over come is to stop asking her if there is someone else. It took me a long time to get to this point and if there is someone else there is nutten i can do but continue to be her friend not ask her about it and wait for it to play out. I had a 3 year affair when she was doing nutten so i have just had to learn to suck it up.
I wanna tell myself that its easy for her but when i think about it i know its not a 36 year old mother of two. it has to be terrifying to her to start over just like it is to me
But i will tell everyone something as hard as it may be and believe me the first three months were pure hell, you do have control over your mind and emotions if i can do it believe me anyone can. The best advice i can give from experience is be her friend dont push her. I did all these things and all it did was push her further away and made her start ignoring me.
