Starting new thread. 2 weeks ago I started a modified version of the LRT. Has been 15 months since the Bomb, or should I say landmine was stepped on. Over the last 15 months I have DB'd but to no real progress.
In December I was able to confirm that my wife was having an EA with a co-worker. I confronted her and based on what I have seen to date, the EA is over.
Relationship is in a holding pattern with no R discussion and the 2 of us living as roommates. Based on advice from this forum have gone to the LRT. For me this means dropping all forms of pursuing. This has been hard for me as one of my shortcomings was being selfish and not being willing to do nice things or caring about others. My LRT consists of the following:
1) Always being positive and upbeat 2) No anger (this I addressed 15 months ago) 3) Always agreeing 4) Always willing to listen 5) No pursuing activities
I have been doing this for 2 weeks. Items 1 to 4 have been part of my DBing efforts for the past 15 months. #5 is new in that I no longer:
1) Make lunches for my wife 2) Go out and get her a coffee first thing in the morning 3) Offer to do favours 4) Call her at work 5) Hang around her in the house
I am basically trying to give her space while she gets over her EA and decides what she wants to do with her life. At this point she doesn't want a Divorce, but at the same time doesn't want to be with me.
Nothing has changed over the past 2 weeks. I wasn't expecting any immediate change and am willing to continue on with this approach for the next couple of months. At this time she is focusing on herself re taking a course, taking music lessons and going to the gym. She seems to be using a form of the GAL approach in order to get over the end of her EA.
Punchy - sounds like you are putting those DB skills to great use! Good for you!
Keep us posted.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
I guess the modification relates to still engaging her somewhat with respect to when she comes home from work. I still feel it is important to give her an opportunity to discuss her day and be there to listen.
I guess the true last resort would be to not engage her at all.
