You've been doing this for awhile, so your not a newbie, you know alot more things about DBing and yourself. So while I'd refrain normally from telling a new poster to engage in an R talk, in your case?
What is a realationship talk going to hurt?
If the status quo is GOOD you do not want to upset it.
If the status quo is BAD? Why wouldn't you want to upset it?
You're thinking divorce and not in the I just got here knee jerk reaction sort of way. So, if you are there...what do you have to lose by trying new approaches? _________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Jack - Thanks for the understanding. As you know the only reason I hang on is for my D. Things are good until I try to get close to my W. Then we fight and she plays the martyr where I'm blaming her for everything. I've noticed that after we have an argument she acts a little odd. I can't put my finger on it but she seems agitated and more loving to our D then usual. Then she tries to become the mother of the year but, that only lasts for for a few days.
Personally, I think my W was sexually abused when she was younger. I know she was from her former H. I keep pushing for her to see someone for help, but she puts it off. She won't see a MC anymore. I want someone new - someone who will have a new approach to our mess.
I posted something and I guess it didn't make it on the board.
Five more years of just existing will take it's toll. Yes, I want to work on my M and make it better. It's too easy for her to not work on anything. Our D is becoming more independent which makes it easier for my W to leave the house and go out with her friends to party. Maybe if she's away from her friends then she'll spend more time with me.
Five more years of just existing will take it's toll. Yes, I want to work on my M and make it better.
Fix, You've been getting some wonderful advice. Folks have been gently nudging you to try to change things up a bit.
Five more years of exhisting.... For what man?? Standing for your marriage doesn't mean poor old Fixer has to merely exist.
More importantly, SHE HAS TO WANT IT. Period. Are your actions in line with making her want it Fix? Is existing attractive to you?
It sounds to me like a wonderful recipe for building up a sh!t ton of resenment too, does it not to you?
Let's say for the heck of it, halfway through that fifth year she snaps out of this and wants things to work out. You can't even imagine how difficult it's going to be for you to look back on 10 or 12 years of just existing. You can't even comprehend that from where you're currently sitting.
Quote:
Maybe if she's away from her friends then she'll spend more time with me.
How long have you been asking yourself this question man? It's NOT about them Fix.
Stop sitting there being a wishing stone that just exists.
I don't think like most people. I do my best to accept all situations that come my way. My W and I are trying to get our live back. Unfortunately, she has to be pushed to move a tiny step at a time.
She has two choices we can live together and enjoy our lives or she can get help where things will be the same. Oh we've had MC but, it didn't help. She woudn't talk. She's starting to talk. Instead of silence she's nagging, complaining and putting up a fight. She's called a councelor for help after all the times she said she would make a call.
she has to be pushed to move a tiny step at a time.
Every time you push her it's a step away from you. Can you imagine how you would feel if someone was pushing you in a direction you didn't want to go? The longer the push the harder the resistance.
Stop pushing.
Live your own life and let her be, whether your life is with her or without her. There is your choice.
Whatever you choose, make your life attractive and see who watches.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
No offense to you buddy, but I get the impression that you have been more of a "This suckks" but haven't been doing much of anything except watching and documenting how much "This suckks."
That is the problem with a status quo you don't like. You have this irrational fear that it will get worse. And it paralyzes you.
I think doing something...almost anything is better than just existing in a place you are unhappy with.
So while I don't believe a push is a bad thing, I think this is more important:
Quote:
Whatever you choose, make your life attractive and see who watches.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I do value everyone's point of view on this board.
Maybe I'm not making myself attractive or maybe I'm am and well she's not watching.
Two night of the week I've been working out. I feel more in shape than I have in a long time. Two night of the week I've been out all night bowling and doing what I want. Weekends - I go out and do what I want.
(just how it feels at times)