Thanks for the well wishes, but it does not look like my W is going to go to the dinner party with me to meet our old friends that have come to town after we have not seen them for 26 years - this is such a sad thing for me but it is also my reality. There is a 99.9999999999999999 % probability here that there are only two possible answers. The first and most probable one is that I will just not ever hear back from her at all, its like I never asked the question. The second more unlikely one is that she will actually respond saying that she has thought about the invitation and decided that she will not attend and for me to give our friends her best. In either case I will come up with some fabrication that she is out of town on a business trip and could not come to dinner - something like that as I do not want to ruin the evening by telling them what BS we are dealing with in our life. The outcome will however be the same, me off having dinner with them by myself.
The other 0.0000000000000000001% chance is that she would actually agree to go and spend a pleasant evening with friends with me. I believe I will have better luck waiting for the proverbial snowball in H vs. her choosing to join me for dinner.
Alas such is life. I am seriously pondering how long I must do this DB without even one shred of light coming from the end of the cheeseless tunnel - I am doing everything my DB coach tells me to do, doing everything I am reading in every single book on marriage reconciliation, including the DB books, 180s and all - and literally nothing is making any difference to the W - she is determined to not be in my life and to do absolutely zero towards any kind of reconciliation - goes weeks without even one contact or one word. So perhaps I am just inviting myself to my own pity party here, but I must say - the question is constantly on my mind- how long - how long - how long must one wait on the other who has zero interest in a future - how long.
M-58 W-56 Married 33 years BOMB -Sept/10 Separated 8 months
BITS (of Fruit) Firstlove
"Go Confidently in the direction of YOUR dreams - Live the life you've imagined" - Thoreau
Not sure you have a reason to mope at all, but something tells me you have figured that out already. I've been off the boards today but wanted to stop and check up on you.
You're doing so well. Don't let one little need for space throw a wrench into anything for you!
Speaking of leopard print...my girlfriends and I thought that the Red Hats were neat, but we were too young to be Red Hats. We found out that younger women were supposed to be Pink Hats. Well, we decided that we didn't want to wear hats to lunch whether they were pink or red. But pink shoes? That was a whole other ballgame. From then on, we had pink shoe lunches. Also, anytime we were in a pickle, we'd wear our pink shoes just to feel like our girls had our backs in spirit.
Go find yourself some leopard/zebra-whatever print shoes. Wear them and know that we're all with you in spirit even if we can't be in RL.
I just got an email from my W who told me that she is in fact joining me for the dinner tomorrow night with our out of town friends that we have not seen in 26 years - I honestly thought there was a 0.00000000000001% chance that she would agree to spend an evening with me with friends out at dinner, so the fact that she has agreed to come on a "date" with me just literally blows my mind - in a positive way mind you - but her agreeing to come out with friends for a pleasant evening its just the MOST stunning thing for me.
Hopefully, this is a small POSITIVE step in 5 months of deep freeze here - at least that is my prayer and hope. Wish me well tomorrow night BITS - I am feeling blessed here, I truly am
M-58 W-56 Married 33 years BOMB -Sept/10 Separated 8 months
BITS (of Fruit) Firstlove
"Go Confidently in the direction of YOUR dreams - Live the life you've imagined" - Thoreau
Yay! I'm punching the air for you here Firstlove. I had a baby step today too.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Just wanted to say I read your posts and was thrilled to read of your wife's wholly unexpected response and decision to attend the party. That is ABSOLUTELY a good sign, but please keep perspective. When you go, keep your expectations in check. I'm sure you've heard of 'testing' behavior and I suspect she'll exhibit some now that she's taken a step towards you.
Good luck though, and congrats
markk
Me: 55 Her: 50 M: 21, T: 24 D, 13 - D,17 The bomb: March 1, 2010 Separated: Oct 9, 2010
Hasn't anyone explained the rules of my thread yet??? There will be no parties on my thread unless I am here to join in. Sorry, I wasn't here when you had that news. I almost want to tell you to go back and ask for another dinner but I don't want to get you into trouble, so I won't. Seriously, though, I am so excited for you!!! This is big. And it goes to show you that we don't know much of anything when it comes to WAS behavior sometimes. You had no expectations and look what happened!!!! It is a positive step. And you deserve to celebrate it. I'm so praying for you!!!!
