Ok so I know I always say this but holy cow who would of thought when I first came here I would be starting my 5th thread. I didn't. That first post took so long to show up and then I would check the PC every few minutes waiting for a response. I was in a bad way and I appreciate so much all of the help I have received.
I hope I have been as helpful with you as you have with me.
So if your crazy enough and are just joining us I have posted all my threads from the start. Go ahead, dig in, it has been a nightmare at times but hopefully you learn from my mistakes and my small victories.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I am sorry I wasn't there for you man. I did not see this till this morning. I know how you are feeling more than you know. I posted on your thread when you get around to it and are feeling a little more level headed check it out.
So there I was conducting an appt and I get a text from W
W "So cold....Car wouldn't start"
M "Oh man I thought it was warming up? How did u get to work?"
W "It's not in the negatives...if u call that warming up....My 2 feet is how I got to work"
M "That stinks I had the same prob with my car had to eventually get a new batt cause the cold just sucked it dry. Good thing you live close to work"
W "yeah but the GOV won't buy me a new batt....lol"
M "lol it was for my personal car not the GOV car so HA I paid.....u do have someone that would buy you one if u needed it no strings attached"
W "Who?"
M "I think if u look closely u just might figure this one out on your own."
W "Nothing in life is free"
M "'compassion is giving without expecting anything in return' those words sound familiar? They should......"
W "lol I'll be ok"
A few minutes passed
W "But thank you for the offer"
M "My pleasure.........."
I didn't respond, that statement required no response. I don't know maybe I should not have offered but it felt the like the right thing to do.
Now here is the question I had to throw out there for you guys (Michelle I would your input on this also)
You have followed my sitch all along one of my biggest fears was sending the D papers back. Well I finally did. Since then my W and I have spoken and texted as you have seen.
The D has not been mentioned or brought up. I don't know what to make of this. I am not trying to read too much into it but we have had nice talks but never a mention of wether the got the papers or took them to the attorney or anything. I have not mentioned it either
There's no reason to bring it up. She knows you don't want the D.
And at this point it really doesn't matter. It changes nothing. Even if she feels compelled to file them because she doesn't yet trust that things could be different, your DBing doesn't change. It's not like a D happens overnight. There is time to stop it even if she does file them.
By sending them back, you are showing her that things can be different. That what she wants, and how she feels are important. That her happiness is most important to you.
Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
It's possible despite these baby steps that she will file them. But it's not the end of anything. Your DBing would go on. Don't overlook the progress you have made just because she's not ready to say she wants to reconcile yet.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
She doesn't know what to make of it either. If she did, papers would be turned in, she would have said something and she wouldn't be initiating these types of conversations. I don't doubt, though, that you already know this, but you're just making sure.
Also, what absolutely had me cracking up and just knowing she is peeking back in your door was the follow up text thanking you. Ummm... isn't this the advice you game me last night? I know you always say that you're wife is real sweet. I'll tell you a lot of sweet people who walked away and weren't so sweet anymore. That thank you is encouraging more contact.
You're in a bit of a cat and mouse game right now, obviously. Your every move, word, action is being evaluated by her just as much as it is being evaluated by you. She's confused.
So let 2Step shine on... shine like a beacon in the night, my friend because she's turning a corner. And again, I know you know that, you just need a couple of us to validate.
Thanks for the insight especially from a womans angle. Lis I need validating more than my W sometimes. I am turning into such a woman. HA.
At this point I think she will go through the D just to tell herself she did it. Almost like proving to herself she was strong enough to follow through. That would be my first boundary test.
I have always stated I have two breaking points
1. OM/PA 2. Divorce being final
I now have to re-evaluate my stance if this happens. I hope I am wrong about this but the fact that she initiates is comforting. It is so much easier to see other peoples small victories while failing to see my own.
Thanks 2Step. I didn't really expect that anyone would be on at 3 or 4 in the morning... or whatever time I posted that.
I did read your post over on my thread. Thanks. I hope to respond to everyone about tonight.
I want to quickly respond to your question about asking your W if she turned in the D paperwork. I just want to remind you of something that you said to your W the other day:
“I was glad to make it, I know I have called before and I am sure I was sorry before but maybe I was sorry for the wrong reasons. Last night I was in complete peace with letting you know that I was ok with whatever you decide to do.”
Be true to you words 2Step... Show your W that you are truly sincere in what you speak.
Asking her about the paperwork would be contrary to being at at "peace" and "ok" with whatever she decides to do.
Asking her isn't going to change her choice, one way or the other.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
2Step, it's not a bad way to think. Like Michelle said, hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. But again, you know that divorce isn't the end of the road. And that's important.
I'm chuckling at your boundary list and the fact that you might want to reevaluate them. So many of us go through that. If they do this, I'm done. If they do that, I'm done. MWD strongly suggested that we write ourselves a list that is entirely different. If they do this, I know I'm on the right path. If they do that, I know I'm on the right path. Where's THAT list 2Step?? She told us to write it down.
