Men Vs Women

[verysad2day]

Ok... are there different DB strategies that work better on the different sex. DB says 100% don't persue, it will show that you are weak. My husband craves "persuing" and I stopped 1 year ago and here I am. I would like to hear from men that could tell me what would work and what is a turn off. Thanks

[dbmod]

^

[ScaredinCanada]

Personally I've always loved and craved when a woman pursues me. Even in my M, the best times for ML would be when my W would initiate (probably 5 times in 8 years :()

Although I've never been a WAS so I am not sure if this feeling would be the same if walked away from my W.

I think you maybe onto something though, as I am sure there some differences that you use DB whether you are dealing with a man or a woman.

As everyone usually says, Men normally need physical connection in R, whereas Woman usually require more emotoional connection/stimulation than physical.

I'm not doctor, but I think many will agree with these conditions and thus agree that some of the ways you implement DB maybe different when it comes to men and woman.

BITS
SIC

[Still learning]

vs2d,

Hi. My W doesn't do the pursuing thing. Never has. It's always been me pursuing her. That has done a real number on my confidence and our R. I've basically convinced myself that she's not really into me, and IS into an OM. She says she doesn't do feelings and "I love you's" and I should know that she loves me just b/c she's still around.

My take on the DBing advice is not to be needy, too available, or pushy. And don't let yourself be taken advantage of. But the occasional compliment or flirty smile? Oh, I can't even begin to explain what that means to us men. I would give my right arm to feel my wife pursuing me for a little while. And, of course, it would end with me pursuing her back.

[2stepboogie]

I have always like a woman to use the squirrel technique. What I mean by that is a woman who is head over heals into me and makes herself too available kind of turns me off. It makes me feel like doesn't matter what I do she is going to be there.

I have noticed that the women who don't give me 100% and just show a little interest and then pull away has always kept my attention. I don't know if that makes sense.

[grr]

this is an interesting thread
i am actually keeping in touch with a friend of mine, on another continent who is going through what i am
except that he is the one leaving the relationship
his wife is in pursuing mode and he tells me that everytime she grabs him to kiss him or try to initiate sex or just hold his hand he feels like the cat in the pepe le pew cartoons
for those who don't remember, pepe (a skunk) was always trying to kiss and hug this cat, who was just trying to get away from him
it is enlightening to hear from him as he is the one in my husbands position
so i know that pursing someone who feels like they don't want that now, is absolutely the wrong thing
he also says it makes him feel awkward and suffocating

[JustStunned]

When I was feeling good about our R I really like it when W initiated and pursued, though I had to perceive it as genuine desire for me and my happiness.

Growing up my examples of genuine love were expressed as small gifts of self and self sacrifice for the beloved person. So I suppose I am predisposed to appreciate pursuit. That said with the amount of hurt and mistrust I feel toward my MLC, WAW I think I would view pursuit with a great deal of suspicion now. She decided to leave and I would love her to initiate a turn about, but very slowly to build trust before any pursuit.

JMO I don’t know how it could apply to your sitch

Grr, thanks for the pepe le pew visual, I needed a smile this morning

[Bolt]

I dig this thread.

Here's a big question. My W is someone who craves both adoration and support. What are some ways you women like to hear/feel/see that?

Here's an example that I'm afraid of using too much.
My W's lost about 25 pounds and looks fantastic. She was never "overweight" and I was always attracted to her but now she's like POW! (Let's not get started to WHY she lost the weight because it doesn't matter)

I want to compliment her because she does look great. But besides telling her, what are other ways so she can feel good?

[Still learning]

Bolt,

Yeah, this thread it pretty good. And the timing is good since V day is right around the corner and isn't that sort of about pursing???

My wife also lost weight recently and looks amazing. But she doesn't want to hear that from ME. It seems like it really means something different and more powerful coming from other people. (I HAVE to say she's looking good, she thinks; besides she has a giant mirror and she KNOWS she looks good so it's really about appreciation from others, knowing that they notice her I guess, feeling a little power).

When my W wants to feel good about that she goes SHOPPING to new work clothes. While this stresses me out (see my other threads) it would give you a chance to comment on the new clothes and how she looks and she'd feel good about that all day, I'd guess. Would you get points by planning a night out and happening to drop by a store she likes.....

man, you're in a better place than I am. Lately I've been wishing my W would wear some really bad garanimals to work instead of looking supper cute.....but that's a good place to be.

[Firstlove]

Bolt
Just jumping in on the topic here, my W also has been looking good lately - she is really into yoga and has been putting time and effort into her appearance. She knows she looks good and I think she is using that as her source of "independent strength" as she moves forward to develop a life of her own without me. So my compliments to her as to how good she looks is merely adding fuel to that fire of independence and divorce in her mind. She is most likely thinking to herself, there is going to be a line up at my front door once I divorce my H (me) and if he thinks I look hot - which she does - so much the better because he will know what he is going to be missing.

I think my W is enjoying it quite a bit actually - in a sad sad sort of way