just so you know as well, I feel I have one foot in the newcomer and one foot in the piecing. I have a lot of BITS here that I like to stay in contact with too
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
After my W's therapy session and my long drive to LA and back, we had a great convo tonight.
One of the things that the therapist had W do is write out a list of things that she needed to have done in order for the marriage to work.
Holy crap! I got a list! I can DO a list! This was the best thing for me because it was spelled out exactly what to do and guess what?
It's all stuff I've either been doing or stuff I want to do. It definitely gives me hope because I can see her coming back to me. We chatted until I finally had to say, OK, I'm done with the talking - it was nearly 2 hours - I didn't want to end it but I think it was good that I did.
Like I said, great stuff.
The toughest to still discuss on the list is that she wants a heartfelt apology for how I've disrespected her as far as her view of infidelity. I've never "cheated" on her in the biblical sense (did anyone see that lightning bolt??) but in her mind, I basically did.
How? By going to strip clubs and getting lap dances. By going on one on dates with women who aren't my wife (this includes my assistant). By objectifying other women or making my W feel like I was comparing her to them.
All of these were issues that honestly, I had no idea it was hurting her or disrespecting her. I do DEFINITELY now. I never want to go back to that. I even told her that I'm trying to not even LOOK at other women because they aren't my wife. I'm doing that out of respect.
But it all comes down to now I see the light and how I've hurt her and I am deeply apologetic. She said that she needs to forgive me and isn't sure how to do it. I said, I'll apologize heartfelt a million times and continue to show my love/respect/adoration through actions to help her.
I'm rambling...surprise surprise...but I did want to say that it was a definite positive step. Now I have an actual gameplan...
OH and I had great meetings in LA. Got my creative mojo back! win win
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
I'm happy to see things are back to positive for you Bolt. I was a little concerned the other night!
Not all unicorns and flowers, right?! LOL...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Yeah, you know after going through that, venting the frustrations here, getting the correct input, realizing what it all was - all part of the process.
I'm glad I'm going through this - even though some days are brutal. I seriously feel that I'm learning a ton of stuff about myself - both good and bad.
I have to say...for the first time in QUITE some time, I'm totally stoked about tomorrow. I'm just in a big time writing mood and have some great thoughts of the future.
You know who also noticed that?
You guessed it. She even said something about it in her game plan for me that I've lost that competitive fire to go out and tear the world open - a trait she found very attractive.
Ready world???
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Yeah... well concerned for your situation. I've been keeping up with you Bolt!
What do you mean "YOU were concerned"??
Originally Posted By: Bolt
I'm glad I'm going through this - even though some days are brutal. I seriously feel that I'm learning a ton of stuff about myself - both good and bad.
Me too... Well the word 'glad' may be a little strong. But I really do feel that I've learned, and am learning, a lot about myself.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
