I did that all day yesterday. I didn't call or text and only responded when she texted me.
I did listen to her and bought a book that she really wanted. It was funny because I didn't want to just hang around when she got home, so I kinda hid downstairs watching the Daily Show (LOVE it). She kept coming downstairs to show me things or talk to me.
It was very funny because I kept the convos short BUT I did pause the tv each time to show her my interest. On her way upstairs she said she was excited to get her new book. I just smiled.
Then I heard her scream upstairs - I knew what happened. See, I put the book with a red bow on it under her pillow. She yelled from upstairs - Thank you thank you!!
I just simply smiled and said you're welcome (LIS - I did kinda take your advice and took the note "Always thinking of you" off it)
Well, that paid dividends. I crashed early - haven't been sleeping too well but got my emotional bucket filled just by her keep coming downstairs to talk about nothing.
The two Ds came into our bed and W kicked them out around 3am. I felt this hand on me and thought it was one of the Ds. It was the W. She rolled over and put her arm around me. I was wide awake and couldn't sleep but didn't want to leave her arms.
BUT after a while I did. I went downstairs to watch a little tube and went back to sleep. I went back upstairs around 5am-ish. She woke up and asked why I slept downstairs. I told her that I couldn't fall back to sleep (to which she apologized to waking me up) and I didn't want to turn the TV on in the bedroom - long story but I have a habit of turning some movie on that puts me to sleep but keeps her up. I didn't want to do that to her so I went downstairs.
She then ROLLS over and puts a huge hug on me. After a while we rolled back over into a very interesting position that I thought for SURE she would not like. We stayed there for a good 15 minutes. Needless to say, little Bolt was wondering what was going on BUT nothing sexual at all. I loved being that close to her. She even played with my hair a little...
Space baby...that's all it takes. I'm also not bringing up a WORD about the R right now. Maybe part of it is just going through and letting it happen until we are both ready (Sounds like a lot of advice I'm getting here, no??)
Anyway...today's a much better day than yesterday but I'm not stopping what I'm doing.
Thanks to all the BITS for the support - I desperately want to return the favor.
OH and LIS - that book is GREAT! I think it's the next thing to do whenever she is ready. It is telling me exactly what to do and what she really means. I can see how, if I played my cards just a little differently in our last convo, the outcome could have been much different. Thanks a TON
(for those of you wondering, it's called Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson)
lastly - 2step - correct-a-mundo. I had zero expectations and look what happened. It's so funny how that works. Literally when that hand was on my chest, I thought it was weird that my daughter did that. Then I realized it was my W. Too funny
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
This is just so awesome!!!! Great, great stuff. You know what makes me happiest? You read her right on. You got the book and she just LOVED it. That means that you're on the right track completely.
Hey, Bolt, remember this, please? I mean you're more than likely going to have a couple of these stumbling blocks but you can't let it deter you. I know that I'm going to remember this.
I am so glad that you got the book and found it helpful! For me, it really is quite insightful. It has really opened my eyes to both my H and my behavior which has been a relief, to say the least.
Bolt, I am just so darn proud of you. So very proud of you!!!
LIS, I actually look at this first stumble as a learning experience. I know it will happen again. Now, I have to use the tools that I've learned and put them into action.
She's great today and I'm great today. But that's just one day. One day at a time.
Like I've always said, I know my W better than anyone. I just have to trust my gut when it comes to these things AND somehow, I have to show her that I DO know her better than anyone else. Why would she want to leave that?
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Like I've always said, I know my W better than anyone. I just have to trust my gut when it comes to these things AND somehow, I have to show her that I DO know her better than anyone else. Why would she want to leave that?
Thank you for saying this.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
BUT nothing sexual at all. I loved being that close to her. She even played with my hair a little...