New to this community seeking advice 3

[JR09]

Yes, good advice. Thanks Lost and Michelle.

Joel

[JR09]

Well the boys are gone, but I'll see them this week during their BB games. I am dragging today. I'm headed for the movies to see this show "Eagle". All this 24 FEB suspense is haunting me. I asked myself if I did everything I could to save this M. I think I did. I could have done better...probably.

Joel

[lostinscared]

Joel,

We all could have done better, no doubt. But I really believe you have a lot to be proud of. I think that you have shown more patience than anyone I know. I think you've done a tremendous amount of work on yourself.

You do, however, need to manage your 24FEB expectations. She may not decide anything and then you will feel let down. I don't want to see that. And I definitely don't want you to chase her for an answer.

Take care of yourself. I'm praying for you.

LIS

[JR09]

You are really a kind person, Lost. Thanks for the support. I'll remember the advice about not pursuing if there is no answer on 24 FEB. No pursuing...

Thanks again, Lost. I sure need prayers.

Joel

[MichelleLT]

The problem with life is we always could have done better.

But we did the best we could with the knowledge and experience we had at the time.

And you have spent the last couple years learning as much as you can and trying to make up for some of the past.

You are trying. That's what matters. That's all we can ask, and that's all we can do.

[AJM]

JR09, I didn't see your original posts. Might have to go back and look. This caught my attention from this thread though:

I wonder if W notices that I am really trying to make up for lost time by attending all these games because I want to be a better father. Who knows, huh? yes...who knows...

Can I point something out here (you saw it later in your thread, but worth repeating): You need to focus on the boys, being the best father you can be, and YOURSELF. What your wife does or doesn't do, is her responsibility, but what you do is yours.
Regardless of what happens with your wife or when, it is far more important that you do things for you. It'll relieve your stress, help you make positive changes, and will be sustainable for YOU. Which in turn helps your boys know their father. That's all very important.
One other thing. People who leave have no timetable. Get that out of your head and focus on what you want out of your life and out of your relationships. The rest will fall into place, but always be kind. As the old saying goes, choose soft and sweet words, because you may have to eat them later
The timetable is rubbish. I've known plenty of people who years after their divorce get back together. Why? Because it isn't about you when it all comes down to it. Not to say you were perfect. Far from it. Neither was she. That becomes much more apparent after much time has passed in many cases. Not all of course.

Be patient. Be consistent. Be your new improved self. Be the father you always wanted to be. Be the man you always wanted to be and the rest will fall into place regardless of the relationship outcome. Really.

AJ

[alamo76]

One other thing. People who leave have no timetable. Get that out of your head and focus on what you want out of your life and out of your relationships. The rest will fall into place, but always be kind. As the old saying goes, choose soft and sweet words, because you may have to eat them later
The timetable is rubbish. I've known plenty of people who years after their divorce get back together. Why? Because it isn't about you when it all comes down to it. Not to say you were perfect. Far from it. Neither was she. That becomes much more apparent after much time has passed in many cases. Not all of course.

Be patient. Be consistent. Be your new improved self. Be the father you always wanted to be. Be the man you always wanted to be and the rest will fall into place regardless of the relationship outcome. Really.

AJ

Thank you for the reminder and welcomed pep talk, AJ. I would like to be one of those people you knew who got back together years later too. Well, sooner is better, of course.

[JR09]

Update...

24 FEB came and went. It is the date I asked my W to give me an answer on how she wants to procede with the R. Called her today. Her answer is she is not coming back. Sad news. But I am glad it's now going to be over so we can all move on with life. I am not mad or anything. I've worked myself up to get the worst news. Now that I got it, it's not as devastating.

I will move on. No other way to survive. I'm OK. I really am.

Joel

[Redo]

Sorry hear Joel. You are absolutely right about "No other way to survive". It absolutely s*cks to be at this receiving end, but i guess that's life. Nothing stops and we have move along hoping that better days are ahead.

[MichelleLT]

Out of morbid curiosity...did she actually say the D word? Or just she's not ready to come back? Does she plan to now refile?

If she didn't answer any of my questions, don't ask them. I'm just wondering for informational purposes.

What happened to not pursuing? Lol.

It's great to be prepared for the worst. And it's nice to know you can take it and keep moving forward.

Keep detaching, keep working on you. Keep being the best father you can be.

It's not the end of the world. It's not even the end of your DBing if you don't want it to be. Time can still be on your side.