So, pulled a little disappearing act this weekend. Kind of needed to walk away from things a little bit and regroup. But I thank you my BITs buddies so much for lifting me up! I would start singing you "Wind Beneath My Wings" but that might make me start crying (because it is so bad) more than the depressing songs you are all posting.
Not much to report this weekend. I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday because my H is an a$$, but I managed to just leave the house and drive around for a couple of hours just to avoid the fight. He called twice during this time to try and engage me in an argument but I didn't bite. Just told him to stop yelling at me because I wasn't yelling at him. That shut him up.
Well, the big question for the weekend is did he find an apartment... nope. I'm still not convinced that he's not looking. I think the delay may have something to do with the fact that the OW is moving down here in February and that's why this is suddenly put on the back burner. During our interaction yesterday I mentioned that i was uncomfortable in the house and why. He had an opportunity to mention that he didn't want to leave or something along those lines. That didn't happen. So I don't think things have really changed much. He still wants out. He is just being nicer I guess these days to keep the peace (except for his a$$ moment this weekend).
Lost, Go read my post this evening that details my interview last night with a WAS. I think you might find some answers you are looking for in my post. Let me know what you think.
BITS never walk alone! Never!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Yes, I read it. Very insightful and that was so cool of you to share it!! I'm glad that you had such a nice talk with your friend. It sounds like it gave you hope, which you should have!
Me? Well, my hope is almost gone. I think I'm just figuring out ways to survive until he files and it's all final.
Everything is relevant, yesterday I cried for almost an hour feeling completely hopeless. Today I wake up and I'm feeling hopeful again. The emotions run wild from one extreme to the other, I for one have never experienced these range of emotions before. He is still arguing with you, I mention this because while my W was still yelling I had a chance to save my marriage when she stopped caring and went silent that's when I was in trouble and I didn't even know it.
Hang strong and keep concentrating on your 180 and being cool under pressure. I don't know if you saw my post to someone else but it warrants repeating
I briefly spoke to a MC that I couldn't afford but he did leave me with this. "you must remember that you are now doing relationship judo. If she argues with you agree. If she tells you how bad you are...agree. When she mentions all the times you came short agree. As you agree with her she will lose interest in arguing with you because you are giving her nothing to argue about. You will be surprised how quickly they come to your aide and start defending you. The more you push on the door of resistance the tighter it becomes bit take the pressure off and watch what happens. Since you have relieved the pressure she has no reason to really have a tight grip"
I tried one time my W and I spoke and it worked.
I'm on my phone again so if I've misspelled something it's my phones fault not mine
For the most part, I agree with him. Not that we get into those types of discussions anymore, but I do. However, when he truly has become a jerk about something, I just can't sit back and do nothing. This time, I did not confront him, I just left the house. He kept calling me. I wouldn't argue about it, but simply stated how I felt and I moved on. There are just certain things I will not agree with and treating me poorly is one of them. Now I don't mean treating me poorly by leaving me... that's his decision and it doesn't really constitute treating me poorly. But what I won't be is a doormat for him. I deserve respect and when that doesn't happen, then I'm going to say something when confronted.
He does not like being told when he's a jerk (even when I stated in a much nicer way than I am doing here). He readily admitted he was wrong and apologized quite a bit. I told him that I knew he was sorry and that he need only apologize once. But, he's turned a cold shoulder again, which is fine. It's the only child in him... he's used to people catering to his every whim.
I get tired of the games. I was never that type of girl. Being born and raised in NY, I just kind of say what's on my mind. That's perhaps why this whole thing is so exhausting to me. I can't say how I feel. I don't question the technique, because I know it is right, but it's still exhausting.
I think I'm just waiting for the end at this point.
I lose the wind in my sails also from time to time. I see the way you dixie and hope describe your H and I wonder if my W saw me in such a way. I am sure she did. My eternal shame.
Lost, how are you feeling today? Any sudden switches in his movements or yours? Just wondering?
I hope you don't mind me saying this, but he really seems to have some emotional problems. Is he by any chance seeing a C? Has he ever discussed seeing a C? If you mentioned this already, I do apologize. It sounds like to me you are going all the right things, but still getting responses from someone a bit unstable in the sitch. Please don't get mad at me for this. I just wanted to ask.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
No, he doesn't believe in couseling. He says that he is smarter than they are. Additionally, he doesn't believe that he has any issues. He believes that his only involvement in the breakdown of our marriage was not telling me sooner that he was unhappy. He says he's sorry for that.
Of course it doesn't help that one of his closest friends went through similar issues as us. They went to counseling and got back together. And now, things are an absolute mess in their marriage. They had 3 kids when they got back together and I don't know what kind of counseling they went to. But clearly that is indicative of how all counseling would go. Ugh...
Hang in there LIS. Go do something fun. Who knows that looney tunes H is going to do. He's his problem now.
And "yes, you're right. you are smarter than the C. There is nothing they can do for you. I can understand why you feel that way" ... try that Judo on him.
Of course, we all know he's crazy. But he doesn't know it. And, he feels what he feels. There is no OBJECTIVE TRUTH ... in the universe. Even if there is, you can't prove it to him. So ... what he feels is true to him.
We all know they're being idiots. But, I've been a crazy idiot before too ... and I had to fall on my face on my own to understand I was being a crazy idiot. You know ... I'm probably smarter than a lot of docs and maybe some surgeons ... but I tend not to operate on myself. The drugs that kill the pain mess up the cuts :-)
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
