My guy came and got a bunch of his stuff today. We talked, argued, talked...he says I will never trust him and that he can not live that way anymore. He did say he loves me, and I told him I love him...but he says it is over. What do I do????
We both had drug/alcohol issues and he cleaned up, before I did. I am clean now..but did have problems stopping the drinking. I am not drinking now.
He early in our relationship demolished my trust, and I never fully got over that. Even when he was trying, I doubted him.
People from his past kept messing with us, calling and asking for his ex f buddies...It made me crazy. He says maybe we can have dinner in the future but not to get my hopes up as it is over...what do I do?????
One thing I hope to God right now is that my wife/best friend/companion/partner-in-crime can let go of her guilt, anger and distrust towards me. It's not easy, but if you want it, it can be done.
Don't rush him, don't pressure him. Show him sincerity through actions (words are good too). If he's wise enough or once he's calmed down some, his love for you will draw his eyes back to you and your positive actions. Welcome to the forums, BTW.
He is staying at a hotel..hasn't found a place. He has put his things into storage. I saw the hurt in his eyes when he was leaving and I know he was actually innocent this time, but...I don't know what to do to convince him that I can trust him now..and want to trust him...help!!!!
I think maybe should be a little more specific with your situation. I am little confused by what I read. A little background perhaps with some detail. Hang in there but we can't help if we don't really know what is going on
We have been living together for a year and a half now. When we first met and started dating, he was hanging with a very low crowd. He was doing meth. I was just drinking. I started doing coke to keep up with him. At first, it was all fun and games and wild sex due to the drugs and alcohol. Slowly, though, I began to want more...and I hated the meth crowd he was associated with..he was so much better than them. We decided to become exclusive, but he did not stop hanging out with ex f buddies and he put me through a lot. We fought a lot. I finally told him he needed to move away from where he was and move in with me...or it was over. He hesitated at first, but did come around and moved in with me...2 and a half hours away from all his old user friends. I bought a foreclosure home that needed a lot of repair in a town outside of where he used to live. We moved into it together in June of this year. He agreed to help me fix it up....no mortgage as I bought it outright..so just light bill, tv bill, and phone bill. I paid those, he bought groceries and worked on house...we were happy very happy for a while. Then strange calls and things started to happen..I had NO evidence that he was using, but began to doubt him. He works away two weeks and then is home two weeks..and I started drinking when he was gone...doubting him and still getting odd calls and bad feelings.. He would never discuss this with me saying he had changed his cell phone number and not given our home number to anyone..he would say he had no idea what was going on and that maybe my friends were messing with us as he was in their eyes still a bad meth head and no good...and that I had bad mouthed him so much no one believed he had changed. I did not believe him and my friends really would not do this stuff. So, I suggested maybe it was his old friends trying to break us up and he just said he didn't know. He stopped believing me when I would tell him things that had happened. The last straw for me was that I found some drug bags empty in my garage...I questioned him and my 19 year old son. My son calmly denied it, saying he is clean (he had a problem too but does appear to be clean) and my man got angry and accused my son and said he had no idea who else it could be. He said he was packing his things when he got home from work..and He did. I called his mom and sister crying telling them what I thought and how I could not take it anymore....his mom said she knew I loved him and she was sorry. His sister was nice at first, but then got drunk and called me and started yelling at me telling me not to call her or her brother or mom again.... Meanwhile, he showed up yesterday to get some of his things. He really would not talk to me. I told him that I had gone out and met an old friend who was going through the same stuff and we had gone dancing and kissed...but I stopped it, as I still love him and was NOT ready to sleep with someone else, even though he said he was done with me. He said he didn't care. He said he never cheated on me and was trying to show me that he loved me, but he couldn't do more than he had done and couldn't live with my mistrust. I let him leave and went to bed. Today he showed up again to get more of his things..I helped him a little, we argued/talked/argued....I asked if he loved me he said yes, but he could not live like this. He said that I should not hold out any hope for him to come back. I asked if we could both not see anyone and just try some separation time, maybe have dinner or something and see if we wanted to try this again. He said he had no plans on seeing anyone else. He said maybe we can have dinner or something ..I grabbed him and kissed him on the cheek and said I love you take care of yourself..he looked very sad. I asked him to kiss me good bye ..he gave me a quick peck and said he had to go. He says he wants to be civil and we have texted about a few of his things and times for him to come get more..but that is it. After talking to him, I really believe he has been clean and has been trying....and I have been the victim of one of his old drug buddies...ex f buddy girlfriend is a pyscho...it could have been her. She is very vindictive and very much a drug addict in the midst of addiction.
What do I do????? I LOVE this man and want him to come home...we aren't legally married, but that's where it was headed and that is what I want. He told me he quit drugs because he wanted to and that I was trying to quit drinking for him..and that I had to do it for me.. I agree. I am NOT drinking now and do not want to drink.
He was very affectionate and does still love me, he told me so. As mad as he is...but he's taken his stuff to storage and rented a hotel room for a week while he looks for a place. What do I do?? I have read db but am so..confused. I suggested we take some space and then try again...but I don't know if he can...did I totally ruin this relationship by my lack of trust????
He is coming over to get more of his stuff tomorrow night. What do I do??? How do I behave? I will just be getting home from work and normally would shower, dress for the evening in sweats or whatever and make dinner, if had not made it. So, now, should I just let him pack in peace and make dinner? Should I help him pack? I am so confused!
Thank you for your replies...I will try to keep posting..am a wreck, he is coming tomorrow evening to get more stuff...he has rented a hotel room for a week and is looking for an apartment...he says he loves me but it is over and then he says maybe we could try seeing each other in the future..but does not want to give me false hope...says maybe I will be a better person for the next man in my life...I don't know how to hold on to him, and don't want this to be the end...I can handle a separation..and think it may even be good, but I want to sense some hope...
