I think it was positive time, but not sure. I want to make sure that I am actually DBing, and not just there being her "buddy" or doormat??? Spending a lot of time together lately, watched another movie together last night after dinner as a family.. So the question of the day ... Is how do I know if I am "enabling" her to just be friends or if this is truly progress ?? Anyone?
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
IMO you won’t know until she gives you more feedback. Do not try to prompt it as that would be pressuring. Perhaps she is testing to see if your 180s are real, testing the water temperature so to speak. Keep it pleasant. Just keep doing what seems to work, listen to your instincts. Do not pursue, you need the patience of Job here.
Do not sacrifice your GAL activities. If the sitch needs a little distance they could provide it without seemly like a tactic.
I wish I was where you seem to be.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Thanks for the feedback, I am sticking my original GAL plan. I had already planned a "guys" weekend away this weekend in the mountains, still planning on going, and see if she actually misses me.. I can only hope..
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
Need some advice today, folks.. Went to see MC last night (by myself). She is telling me that I am in a "unique situation", in that my wife and I are still best friends, (completely plutonic for the last two months) yet she keeps asking for a divorce. If you have read earlier in my sitch, you would see we worked back together, and then I had an angry outburst, and everything fell apart again.. immediately, some have said she was living a lie, others that the outburst just became an excuse for her to get out?? The MC told me that I have worked very hard over the last two years to become the kind of "caring, kind, compassionate, accepting man" that my W always wanted, "too bad she isn't going to stick around to see that". "You need to take of yourself" (which I agree and I am doing), "she has left you twice before, stop wasting your life waiting for her". We still do tons of things together, and don't argue at all?? MC said it is going to be hard, but "just detach and move on, she does not love you anymore". Am I getting bad advice? Should I be talking to a DB coach instead? I am looking for anyone who has gone the way of a DB coach and how they feel about it. Should I put my energy and resources into the DB coach instead of the MC? I would like to hear from someon with experience similar??
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
You have to decide if this is bad advice. You decide when it is time to move on, not your C.
I have gone both routes, but I do not have enough experience yet to offer a good opinion. I have only spoken to a DB coach once. I decided to go this route as my C seemly had exhausted her suggestions and was moving me to acceptance that all was lost.
Giving up and the word “can’t” are by conditioning foreign concepts to me. Probably the reason for all my bloody foreheads, headaches and damage to the brick walls around here. lol
I will tell you the DB coach was good and gave me several ideas to try as solutions. It is a different approach than my C was using. I liked my C and if W ever decides to try I will suggest her as a MC. I am scheduling another DB session today for before this weekend.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
You are getting incredibly bad advice and I would immediately get on the phone with a DB coach. She may not "feel" that she is in love with you right now, but I don't see what that has to do with the situation. It's almost not even the point. The point is triggering those "in love" feelings. Your MC is essentially saying that this is an impossible feat. And you know much better, don't you?
I know it is not an impossible feat, but, I am hearing that what I have been through, that all of the "good" last year was a lie??? I find it almost impossible, as things were so good, I felt like we just weren't "finished" working on our M. I believe that a R always has to be a "work in progress". It is like anything else in your life, if you are not constantly working at it...then it will eventually wither up and die. I am just struggling and looking for support, as MV was basically "guiding me through acceptance that it is over, and how I should Detach".. I do not want to give into that concept..yet.. Is a coaching session the right answer?
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
Been relatively quiet and just lurking on the board reading about everyone else, and commenting where I thought I could help. Wife just called and said she got a new job this morning and is ready to move out.. Thinking about just giving up..I have fought the good fight.. Is now the time to talk to a coach?
Me-43,W-41 Married 18 years Together 20 years S12, S13 Wife EA - 3-2009 Reconciled WAW-9-2009 Reconciled again 2-2010 Bomb- 12/30/2010 Asked for a Divorce 2-8-2011 BITS
