having trouble getting my posts thru. I am up and down, trying my best to move on. I have to let her go. Life is going to really begin be a logistic struggle, with her moving out. I had to change my work hours, change daycares, my poor daghter will have to get up at 530 am everyday to get to school on time (55 miles from wife's new home) things like that. That is what is going to be the worst. And only seeing my kids half of the time. Not what I had in mind for my family. Got to keep trying to find my happiness, or I will never have a chance at her return. May not have a chance anyway, so why not enjoy life?
well, My first night without the kids and wife gone. Got all my chores done, just getting to sit down. We broke the news to the kids last night, it went as well as could be expected. She did most of the talking. She had to get it done and she did. Her demeanor was not good for me though. Very sure that she will never be coming back. She talked divorce again, she said "I really want to get this done" I told her to do what you have to. I calmly told her why not give the seperation a trial run before you go do anything to drastic. She is going to file as soon as she can. I expect within 30 days. She is really full of anger and resentment. She says she can never get past that. "I won't let myself get past it" rings a bell. She also said she forgives me. So I don't know how those 2 statments match up. She is obviously an emotional wreck, but none of those emotions show she has any thought to reconsile. I am hoping she doesn't rush into anything, but we will see. None of my efforts to this point have shown any positive changes. She is going to have to try some life on her own and see how she likes it.
week one of wife being moved out complete. I am doing OK. I took my wedding ring off mid week and it was like a huge weight off my shoulders. It just constantly reminded me of what was going on. She took hers off the day after she saw mine was gone. It hurt for about five minutes, but then I realized those rings did not keep her from moving out. I had nothing to lose by taking it off. Much easier to treat her as a woman instead of my wife. You don't do anything such as: show depression, point out her shortcomings, place blame, give sorrowful looks too, question decisions, whereabouts, things of that nature, to a woman that you want to impress very badly. (Without persuing of course). Seems to be working for me very well so far. At least my spirits are as high as they have been, even with her gone. It gave me a totally new out look. If her not wearing her ring causes the un-speakable to happen for her, that is her bad decision, not mine.
Shaves, Well, you know my story and it pretty much matches yours. She took her ring off and went out of the country where she made a "friend" while she was there. There began the EA. I still don't know if it has gone to a PA. But if it did, I can't do anything about it. I have now been living alone for five months. The first couple of days will seem fine, but it will get tougher down the road. Please stay in touch with me. I can tell you some things you can expect.
Now, the hard part begins. Please stay in touch with the BITS as they can help you with this.
BITS never walk alone!!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
FOBD Thanks again, hang in there yourself, I saw you had a bad trip. I will have alot of contact with my wife due to my kids, I am hoping to be able to use it to my advantage. But I also know how she feels about me right now. I fear she is just waiting for our tax return and then going to lawyer up. Hope not, but its possible. I am the opposite of you in one regard. I have pretty much quit drinking since wife dropped bomb. It has made my mind clearer and spirits higher. Still like a beer or two, but getting wasted hurts my heart too much. I also have noticed my patience has been increased greatly. Helps me alot when I am trying to show off my 180's
Shaves, You are probably right. I should try to get away from the alcohol. I honestly will begin to try to work on that this weekend. I know it is destructive behavior, but it seems have the best of me right now.
On a side note, had to call my W tonight because of problems with the insurance. Three rings and I was sent to voicemail... nice.
I guess she has what she needs and I am not one of those things. I have had two opportunities in the past two weeks to have my own PA. I don't know how much longer I am going to continue to push these opportunities away. Especially considering they could lead to a new life for me...
BITS never walk alone!!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Part of me wants her to tell them, because she is the one leaving. But I want the kids(D5 S4) to be hit as gently as possible with this. I dont care if I have to do all the talking. Does anyone have any experience with doing this? Do you tell them it is temporary?
As young as they are, I think to just say that Mommy & Daddy will be living in two different places-would be enough. Kids have to take things a little bit at a time in order to digest it all. Let them ask questions if they want. The main thing is let them know they will continue to be with their parents.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
FOBD I would not fall into that trap until you are certain you are thru with your wife. If something with her changes, you will have to live with your actions forever. Might not be worth it.
Shaves, don't worry, I have no interest in making things worse right now. A PA of my own won't help anything at all. I will continue to avoid like the plague.
How are things? Are you doing OK? Please let us know. That first couple of weeks after they move is the worst. But, take it from a guy who has been living alone for 5 months, it does get better. Yes, the nights are still lonely, but the days do get better and it will give you some alone time to reflect on yourself and what you need to do better. It took me four months, but I do truly believe that I had my own personal epiphany a not too long ago. And, it would have never happened had my W stayed in the house.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
I am hanging in there. I have decided that my wife would have left a perfect husband, she just chose to leave me when times got tuff. She saw a chance to get out and used every one of my flaws and threw them in my face to get off the hook for ditching. I have never seen another person so selfish, and childish. I still love her very much, but my hopes are all with God at this point. There is nothing I can do. She is working a ton, (which leaves me with the kids:) ) and then spending all her free time like a teenager, with friends. She is loving her new life with no responsibilities. I believe she sees a husband as a crimp in her style, and I don't like that at all. Still no affair that I know of, any man would cramp the freedom she desires. Will that ever end? I fear she will have to have an extreme failure, or trama happen to wake her up. Knowing her, she will not allow that to happen. On my end, I have things in order. I am busy and confident most of the time. I have my moments and they are crappy. I miss her a ton. I miss having a family. But if family life is not what she desires, perhaps I am better off without her. I know things could not have stayed as they were. Most adults would endured the hardship and continued on, not my childish wife though. That wouldn't be any fun.
