Who says you are leaving? She's the one leaving. And in any case, sort out your finances first. You'll have to figure out how to protect yourself financially first. Evidently she doesn't have the same concern you do. If she can figure out a way to swing it, so can you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I suspect she hopes I will eventually go away... find a new job, leave her alone, or maybe get sick of it and move to a friend's basement somewhere. I think she does understand the fiscal side. She is just witholding affection and priority on me in the meantime. Thanks, ML
She was very nice about it, even told me she loved me for the first time in months. Assured me that the problem was her and that she was getting help, and is very open to reconciliation.
But she needs her space. Going to rent out living room to subletter.. a common NYC arrangement, and set me up in our old city so I can be with friends. She is thinking 3-6 months initially, although we have discussed a year. She wants me out very soon
I was very calm in handling it. Our conversation with each other was much better after it was done, but it is what it is.
Tell her that you love her very much too and also open to reconciliation. However you will not be moving out. Tell her that you will help her in finding a new place, but since it is your home and you didn't have any problems with it, then you aren't going to leave.
She will fume and suddenly turn into Satan himself. Stand your ground on this.
When she starts spewing about how heartless you are, or an @$$, etc. (because she will say these things and hit you below the belt), firmly tell her that throughout this ordeal you have been understanding, respectful, compassionate and supportive of her needs. And that the problems and issues are hers which she has to look to fixing. But you have basic needs too and those should be respected as well.
Stand your ground.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Mr. Bond is exactly right here, I just want to re-iterate what he is saying.....
I like how you handled it, that was great!!!
Cooler heads always prevail!
Definitely tell her that you will not be moving out.....I would just end it there, don't even offer any suggestions or alternatives, I would not suggest her moving out or anything...just a simple "I am not moving out".
Then buckle up.....the SHE-DEVIL herself will appear.....
Do not engage, just say "I can't communicate with you when you are like this and leave the room.
Originally Posted By: Mountain Lion
She was very nice about it, even told me she loved me for the first time in months. Assured me that the problem was her and that she was getting help, and is very open to reconciliation.
You know this is a complete and utter lie.....She is going to say anything to you to get you out....after your out she can go back on any of these other things.
To respond to the ILY statement you could say "I am glad to hear you say that" and then say nothing else.
If she is open to reconciling then she would not be asking you to move out. Do not argue nor discuss this with her, you could again say "I am glad to hear you say that" short and sweet.
Let her spin, turn away and do not look. I would treat her as medusa.....really....try not to be in her presense at all.....the more you look at her literally and figuratively the more you will get stuck, as if you turned to stone......get it???
This will be the hardest thing you have ever done....EVER.
But
You can do it....
It just takes TIME.
Waaaaayyyyyy more TIME than you think.
Hang in there......it gets better....I promise.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
