Number of successful DB'ers as it relates to WAS.

[ScaredinCanada]

I've been thinking about this for some time.

Looking at all of the current sitch's I wonder of all of the people that deal with a WAS and who use DB techniques...

How many are successful in having the WAS come out of the "fog" and in the end heal/fix the M where it doesn't end in divorce?

[AtTheEnd?]

This question gets asked every few months or so. The numbers aren't good, but if you don't try, you have zero chance.

You aren't at the point yet, but you will learn that success doesn't mean saving your marriage, it's about saving yourself. You will understand when you make it through.

[ScaredinCanada]

Thanks ATE.

I understand that the point is to save ME, but the reality is that right now I want to also save my M.

I guess I was asking the question to understand the legitimacy of the WAS. Trying to understand how many of them really leave for good, whether the "fog" we talk of really becomes their reality for good.

I'm trying and will continue to work on ME with limited expectations on the M, but it's still in the back of my mind that one day she might realize that I am worth working through our issues - or that the new me is someone that she trusts and who she wants to be with.

[AtTheEnd?]

Scared,

There's always a chance, but you can't hang onto that hope. You need to take care of yourself. If she does return, it will take a very long time (maybe even years). If you keep the hope, it will drive you crazy and hold you back. Let go, move on, and let things play out.

[angel61]

I googled some statistics. In general, only 10% of people who have divorced get reconciled.

Hopefully, DBing increases those odds.

[MrBond]

I can tell you that there have been a number of successful DB'ers but after they R, they stop posting here. There are also those people who step away from the boards, then come on a year later to say that they've R.

I know you're looking for hope, but it really is up to you. You might be a success story or not. Just keep up your efforts and do the best you can.

[ScaredinCanada]

Thanks Bond, always appreciate your feedback.

I plan to stay on the board regardless of my sitch outcome.