I'm not sure if my last thread was getting too long but I thought I probably need to start a new one. I have been feeling differently about my H all week. We spent extra time together last week but I got to the point where I was feeling kind of trapped. I just felt like even though we were spending more time together there was no progress being made. In fact, in my mind a step backwards had happened. My H just felt remarkable selfish to me. For one he keeps talking about all the bills that have piled up. Well,a majority of them were a result of him moving out and then buying a new tv, a wii, a $500 futon and a new washer and dryer. Plus the cost of heating and using elctricity and another cable bill. So sorry I'm not sympathetic. My spending habits are virtually identical. Right now I don't know how I feel about him anymore. I enjoy doing my own thing more than I enjoy spending time with him. I've been thinking about what I need to do to move on from here. I mean figuring out how to support myself and rebuild my life. Ill keep trying to work on our R for now in case I have a change of heart. I don't know how he feels and have pretty much gotten to the point of not caring. So mcuh damage was done to a weak R over the last 6 months. I just want to worry about me for now.
Last time I posted I was very down on my M. It turns out a lot of what I was feeling negative about was a misunderstanding between me and my H. I interpreted things he did differently then he meant them. That came out when we got in an argument about another misunderstanding about an event that had to do with our oldest D. That is one of our biggest problems and I don't know how to fix it. It colors every aspect of our R. He says or does something and I take it the wrong way and vice versa. He seems cautious but willing about working on the R though he says he still doesn't know what he wants. We are both really bad about not saying what we want and then becoming resentful when we don't get it.
I'm just journaling right now. The last week has been up and down. I'd gotten to the point where I was tired of the uncertainty and just wanted an end to the situation or at least some forward momentum in it. Well, I got myself my own savings account for my pay(I do substitute work)to go into. I also signed up for two computer classes because what is the use of having a business degree if I can't navigate a word processing or spreadsheet program. Then I blew up at my H and told him that I didn't feel like waiting around another 6-12 months or longer. He said he hadn't thought it would take that long because he said sometimes we have fun together except we still keep having these fights every two or three weeks. So I guess if I can get some self control we might actually work things out. I'm going to work on being more detached so I don't read into things and become overemotional.
Journaling again. I think I am finally beginning to detach from the situation with my H. Doing some LRT. I still see and talk to him every couple of days but not about the R at all and I don't ask him questions about what he is doing. I did go over today to talk about finances. I've also enrolled in a couple of computer classes and gotten my own savings account. I'm working toward being able to function without help from him if need be.
Journaling. I think I have successfully dropped the rope. It feels good. I feel like the whole world is opening up to me again. Before I married my H I used to feel if I wanted something enough then I would be able to get it. Not necessarrily dropping out of the sky but I could achieve anything I set out to do. Somehow I lost that over the last eighteen years but now I feel it coming back. I also had lost the desire to do much of anything. Nothing was fun or exciting or interesting anymore. Now the smallest thing can get me excited!
It would be great if someone would respond to this but if not that is fine too. I've been pretty good over the last month. I'd have to check my Facebook status but I hit my weight loss goal sometime over the last two months. In fact I'm three pounds below it. Eighty pounds total! I work out for an hour three days a week at the gym and I walk my dog for 30 minutes on the other days. I've taken a couple of computer classes and I've been working for three weeks straight. Just sub work but its fine for now. I have a full time position lined up for summer and after that I'll get more serious about something more permanent. I have not initated any sort of R talks for over 4 weeks now. We were having an argument or at least a heated discussion at least every two weeks for several months now. My H at one point refered to that as a very negative thing.So I decided to not bring anything up until he did. The fact that I am finally able to just let this go is remarkable. I still go over once a week after my youngest goes to bed(he lives next door) and we have been sleeping together those nights(sex has been a big problem for years) but the rest of the tiem I do my own thing and he does his. When my youngest spends the night at her dad's I make a point of going out. One time I even just went to my gramdma's to straighten her desk out! Two weeks ago was the best. My 16-yr old D had two pictures in an art show so I made a point of getting dressed up to go see them. My H actually asked me where I was going. I told him an art exhibit and left it at that. Than this weekend when he dropped my youngest back at the house he leaned over the couch to give me a kiss. I don't know what that means and I'm not asking. So that is where things stand now. I'm working on being financially independent right now and I take care of my girls and myself. I've developed a sick obsession with clothes again. Something I thought I got over in my twenties but I guess I just hated how I looked so much that I couldn't stand shopping. Now I can't get enough. Thank goodness for consignment and thrift shops! I've also started going back to church and I am really enjoying that too. We are doing a special Bible study and I am really just exploring my spiritual side and my beliefs.
Life is good it just depends on how you look at it.
Not sure where your old thread is, but maybe if you backtracked a bit about your sitch and include some deatil about you, your H and marriage, we can all help you a little better.
Keep posting. The weekends on the boards are usually a little less busy.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Hi, well I'm terrible on the computer. So I don't put much online. I have put all this down in a different location but I don't know how to tell you where to look. My husband and I are both in our mid forties. This started going on last summer. He moved out the beginning of December to the apartment over our garage. A month ago I told him I wasn't scared of getting a divorce but that did not mean I wanted one and I left it at that and that is the last time we talked about the R at all.
