Need advice please!!! Not sure on next move?

[dixiegal]

My Husband and I have been seperated for sometime. Of course, I was doing everything wrong...talking about emotions, crying, begging, anger and all that! Days before Christmas we got in a verbal fight via phone. Where I became very angry...I told him to make a decision to come home or end it! Duh, he ended it.

He contacted his family and mine to let them know about the Holidays that he was ending it. "Its not fair for her to keep waiting on me". I then found the book and read through The Resort Tech. I stopped calling and sending messages via facebook and etc.

Here is my question. Today is our Wedding Anniversary. He sent a message via facebook. It just said, he knew the day represented the day we exchanged vows. He wanted me to know he would be thinking of me. Should I respond???? What should I say???? A few days ago he sent a message that said, he missed me more every day and he doesnt know what he is doing. I just responded to that, I miss you too. Is this correct? I'm so unsure of how to respond to anything???!! Please help!

[HRT]

Hi Dixie,
If you want you can look and see what was said to me about the (missing you comment) by GCM. Look for "what should my next move be" ironic huh?

Sorry that you find yourself here under these difficult circumstances. Don't beat yourself up for the pursuing, ultimatums etc. Almost all of us have done that prior to reading DB/DR or finding our way to these threads. Take care.

HRT

[dixiegal]

Thanks HRT. I read the thread...I did not respond to his FB message. So, here were the results of not responding. He FB again a msg that read.."WOW, no reply!" Then he texted me for the first time in forever. He said, can I call u, cause I miss u? I said, sure.

Okay, so he called. He seemed happy and talked about his day at work, then his new business venture w/a buddy, our Great Dane and how shes been acting up. That was it. He did not mention our Wedding Anniversary or anything??? I then said, after he did most of the talking for about 1 hour. Well, I better let you go its getting late. He just said, it was good to talk to you and bye.

So, I guess I did good????? Any feed back out there???? I'm so confused and don't if this was even a good thing?

[sandi2]

It would probably help if you posted more often. You and H S in 2006 and you have just a little over 40 posts. What has kept you S?

[dixiegal]

Sandi2-

I can only say that I we started off right so I thought working on things. He would come over every week on his one day off, we took vacations and etc. But, that turned into years! He never would come home. He would sometimes talk about it. Looking back, I was angry. We were going to a counsler whom told us to divorce cause H would not do the work. So, we never went back and slipped into this circle. Days before Christmas over the phone we got in verbal fight...where I challenged him. He said, I'm ending this..."Its not fair to keep you waiting when I can't come home".

So, I got all the books and read through them. I was doing all the wrong things!!! I created some of the issues...I missed the mark so many times.

I'm so devasted, because I feel that I made matters worse and he probally would have come home a long time ago. Now, I feel that it done and we never got a real shot at a new Marraige.

This is my last shot...I know...I want to get it right finally!! So, please any help would be great!!

[sandi2]

You must still have something that's kept him tied to you, so don't throw in the towell just yet. When you read those books you saw the things you shouldn't have done, but what did you read that you know you can do now?

[dixiegal]

Thanks Sandi2! I've been going back through the books to keep focused. Doing the LRT, its tough. I didnt answer his message on our Wedding Anniversary. He then called me! Which he never does!!!! I took the oppty. to ask if I could have our Dog for a few days. He said of course and said I can haver her for a week. He is gonna drop her off while I'm at work this week! I'm so excited to her!!!!

But, its hard w/the LRT cause, when he sends messages that he misses me or such. Should I respond? Or just ignore them all?

[sandi2]

Continue to do what is getting him to respond. If he's sending messages that he misses you, that's good. I would not respond unless he asked a direct question. Then think it through before you answer.

[dixiegal]

Update:

So, I asked via private facebook msg. If I could have the dog for a few days. He responded, of course Ill bring her by and she can stay for a week. He then called and said, the same and texted a few days later to the how. Last Thursday, he came by to drop her off. I could hardly look at him to keep from bursting into tears. He then walked up and said hi and gave me a one arm hug. I freaked out INSIDE. I didnt say very much and kept my words few. He then said, okay Ill pick the dog up next week and bye. He then left.

Hadnt heard from him till yesterday. He texted, asked if the dog was being good and where we having a good time? I said, yes she always is with her Mommie. He then said, I miss yall. I responded we miss you too.

Does this even mean anything? I get so hopeful and then I beat myself up. I shouldve acted happy when I saw him and etc. Like the book said. Why cant I get it together???

Im so mad at myself because I see everything I did wrong and how close we were at times...then I pushed! I just cant stop crying and cant seem to think things thru correctly.



Thursday, when he comes to pick up the dog. What should I do? The book says be the person he wants to be around. I want to hug and kiss him and tell him so many things.

Somebody out there tell me something helpful please???

[MrBond]

Is he seeing someone now? Have you detached at all during the S?

IMO, when he was calling about the annivesary, you shouldn't have answered right away. Maybe the next day and just say that you were out and didn't get his message. He needs to start missing you on a regular basis. If he feels that you are just always going to be there waiting for him, he isn't going to budge. So far it hasn't worked so far has it?