Can't seem to tell what stage or what i'm doing

[Metal]

Changed my name, to something stronger.
This is going to take a big dose of strength.

[Metal]

Grocery and Bond,
Get this. She wanted to come back to sleep at home last night, and I let her know that I'd be in the main bed. She was ticked. But I stuck to my guns, even though she tried to mess with me. Here's our little text.


W: Do you care if i sleep there tonight?

Me: Sure. If you don't mind me in the bed. You are always welcome here.

W: Can i just sleep in S5 bed?

Me: Sure.

W: Nevermind, i'll be ok

Me: You can sleep anywhere you want. This is your home too.
Are you ok? Do you want to talk?

W: It's ok. really. i just miss my kids but i'll be ok. i don't have it to deal with that kind of petty sh*t tonight. its good to know ur gonna b an a*s. ill figure out my situation. just tell the kids i love them.

Me: I'm here if you want to talk

W: I do not want to talk to you. i want to see my kids w/o having to deal with you wanting 2 b in my bed. lol.

Me: lol

W: It's really very selfish of u. u get them all the time. but whatever. im so not shocked.

Me: Come see them. The house is open.

W: I really dont have the stamina 2 deal with you tonight
what time is D5 going to bed and where?


I find it so strange, that I kind of hoped she wouldn't come over, i was looking forward to some peace. But here she comes, and with drama to boot. We actually did sleep in the same bed. And today she mentions that maybe we would "have a chance" if I got my emotional sh*t together, and gave the example of me being cocky w/the bedroom thing. Of course she also said that she's only stayed w/me for 4 yrs b/c of the kids, and would only try to maybe workout w/me b/c of the kids. Now, I don't think I want that, do I? but maybe its at least a foot in the door.

[Grocerykartman]

Metal:

Good choice on the name change...first and foremost.

W: Do you care if i sleep there tonight?

Me: Sure. If you don't mind me in the bed. You are always welcome here.

W: Can i just sleep in S5 bed?

Me: Sure.

W: Nevermind, i'll be ok

Me: You can sleep anywhere you want. This is your home too.
Are you ok?

I think you're did great up to this point. From here...

Do you want to talk?

Not the best thing to ask, but no need to beat yourself up over it. Just remember, she doesn't want to talk about things. When SHE does, she'll let you know.

W: It's ok. really. i just miss my kids but i'll be ok.

She will miss them constantly, and randomly. This is one of the hardest parts about this time. It feels like she only wants to be around the kkids when its convenient for her and often can feel like cake eating under the guise of missing the kids. I do NOT have the best advice for dealing with this part, I will be the first to tell you. Because there is a huge soft spot in my heart for my daughter being able to see her mom, and vice versa even. Problem is, it tends to confuse the kids too, especially when the WAS wants to leave again. Its often abrupt, unpredictable, and heartbreaking. I'm stating all this so that you can work on analyzing the proper way of handling this for your particular situation; of everything how you handle this is truly not one-size-fits-all.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but this can be a very troubling thing...the random showing up. Anyway, you bet she misses the kids, and you have to respect that.

i don't have it to deal with that kind of petty sh*t tonight. its good to know ur gonna b an a*s.

Totally uncalled for and ridiculous. All sshe had to say was what she said next, she didn't have to get nasty.

ill figure out my situation. just tell the kids i love them.

Me: I'm here if you want to talk

W: I do not want to talk to you. i want to see my kids w/o having to deal with you wanting 2 b in my bed. lol.

Me: lol

Already covered

W: It's really very selfish of u. u get them all the time. but whatever.

Out of curiosity, what is your arrangement for seeing/having the kids?

im so not shocked.

Me: Come see them. The house is open.

W: I really dont have the stamina 2 deal with you tonight
what time is D5 going to bed and where?

I have no comments on this part. That's a change huh?

I find it so strange, that I kind of hoped she wouldn't come over, i was looking forward to some peace.

Interesting statement you make. You are detaching! You're no longer pining for her all the time, and actually realizing you would be ok if she's not there that night. Note that I don't say overall, just for the night. And you're happy to have her come over for the kids, so you're not slamming the door on her, just detaching for yourself.

But here she comes, and with drama to boot. We actually did sleep in the same bed. And today she mentions that maybe we would "have a chance" if I got my emotional sh*t together, and gave the example of me being cocky w/the bedroom thing. .

From everything I've read on here, this is pretty normal...she's blaming YOU, like it's all your fault, all your emotional "shtuff". Right now she is in no state of mind to look at herself in the mirror. Easier just to blame you to justify to herself why she wants out.

Of course she also said that she's only stayed w/me for 4 yrs b/c of the kids, and would only try to maybe workout w/me b/c of the kids. .

She may feel that way now, especially in her state of mind. Don't get too hung up on her WORDS though, even though they hurt.

Now, I don't think I want that, do I? but maybe its at least a foot in the door.

Well, its a foot staying in the door, not a foot trying to get back in the door. Look at it as a "not a bad thing".

Again, just words coming from a troubled state of mind. You don't think you want that...but I don't think you want to be Divorced either, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Sometimes the going will get tougher because it gets easier, I hope you can find the strength to continue to DB, despite occurrences such as these. Give the words some time to settle in and for some persepctive.

[Grocerykartman]

I meant to say gets tougher BEFORE it gets easier in the last paragraph of the last post. Sure wish I could edit.

[Metal]

Grocery,
Thank you for all of your comments. It really means a lot to me. Yes, I am detaching. Also, I'm deciding to stick by my M no matter what she does, and to be here when she comes out of her MLC fog or whatever is going on.

As for child-care, we only started to work it out. I'm taking them to school now, and she's picking up, bring home, and I take care of them after I get off work, and she'll leave. They stayed at her new-room tonight, so I'm curious how that went, since she's been pretty out-of-it emotionally. I went out with some friends tonight, and Played Pool and Darts, had some beer. It was fun. Got home like 1am. Weird not having anyone at home all day, but me. Got some good time to introspect and work on myself. I'll be playing in the church band again tomorrow (haven't done that since these crazy 7 weeks started). Shaved my goatee off. I used to shave and change my face-hair often before I got M.

[Grocerykartman]

Sounds like you're in better spirits. Just keep yourself busy...I think you're doing fine.