WAW tearing up our family

[2stepboogie]

That's a tough one for me. On one hand you want her to come back but on the other hand everyone reaches a breaking point. I would assume that you reach a breaking point because most of what you did before you did expecting something in return, since that did not happen then you were dissapointed same as I've been almost everyday. As the dissapointment grew you kind of reached the point where you are now.

What do you want at the end? Do you want the M? She might start DBing you lol and you guys will just go around in circles lol

[ironMan]

Hi 2step ... I want the M... the not the old M and not to the new Wife. I don't know who this person is .... but it isn't much like the person I knew for 13 years. I am open to the M. But in the meantime I feel like I need to take control of my life back. If she files, she files. I will continue to be very pleasant and her biggest supporter .... and DB my ass of there. But, I will not be pushed around by this person any longer. The Nice Guy is gone. A tough a** man has re-emerged.

[Denver_2010]

Step - I think that you handled last night very well! I don't necessarily agree with you that it was a mistake in telling her that she's the one leaving and breaking up the family and not you. It IS TRUE! And you weren't the one that brought up the R talk. Nice job.

Tell her that I said 'good luck' to her calling the cops and having you removed from your home. Ain't going to happen unless there's some kind of abuse going on that you haven't mentioned. Oh, and as long as you have a property interest in the home just as she does.


You can protect your interests and live your life and still not give up on your M Step. Be careful to understand the distinction bw detaching and "letting go". The question that you have to answer is whether or not you want your M. Is it worth it? Is your W and F worth it? What did your vows ean to YOU? If you decide to keep working, then you are going to have understand that this takes TIME and PATIENCE!

BITS
Denver

[TulsaTime]

I thought you did fine.

You took back some of the control.

You also threw a truth dart out there, because she IS the one breaking up the family.

Stay strong.

[Bworl]

Sorry, I haven't been checking in much lately.

Look, in my opinion, you're doing a great job with this situation. It's extremely hard to swallow your words when there are things you'd like to say, points you'd like to make, arguments you'd like to win.

But you are taking the right approach, I am sure of it.

There is nothing to be gained by begging, pleading, or trying to talk her out of what she says she wants.

Nothing.

But there is nothing wrong with letting her know that you disagree, and that you are not going to participate in disolving the marriage until you have to. In fact, better still if your demeanor and your attitude say these things, and that appears to be what you've done.

At the same time, you are doing this with loving compassion, instead of beating her up about the direction she is choosing. That means you are keeping clear the path back to you, should she begin to second guess her choices.

Stay strong. Stay balanced. Care for yourself and provide yourself with ways of blowing off the stress without showing it to her.

Unfortunately, in the end, it is possible for one person to choose to end a marriage. But if that worst case happens, you will know that you handled it with compassion and made it clear that it was not what you wanted.


Blessings,

Bill

[Denver_2010]

Step - I think that you handled last night very well! I don't necessarily agree with you that it was a mistake in telling her that she's the one leaving and breaking up the family and not you. It IS TRUE! And you weren't the one that brought up the R talk. Nice job.

Tell her that I said 'good luck' to her calling the cops and having you removed from your home. Ain't going to happen unless there's some kind of abuse going on that you haven't mentioned. Oh, and as long as you have a property interest in the home just as she does.


You can protect your interests and live your life and still not give up on your M Step. Be careful to understand the distinction bw detaching and "letting go". The question that you have to answer is whether or not you want your M. Is it worth it? Is your W and F worth it? What did your vows ean to YOU? If you decide to keep working, then you are going to have understand that this takes TIME and PATIENCE!

BITS
Denver

^^^^^^^^^^^^

[ironMan]

Thanks everybody. I feel much better getting 2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinions here. It is INVALUABLE to me. I just got back from the basketball game with friends and I feel great. I have talked to a few friends today and feel supported. I also have plans to go up for a ski weekend with buddies in 2 weeks. I'm really enjoying life right now despite the situation with the M.

And yes, I do want the M back. But I only want it if she wants to work for it. I have no interest in having her stay because I make good money etc. I just seem to really not feel responsible for her actions. I don't like her right now, but I do love her.

I know she was full of it Denver, no way she could have me thrown out. And no, I have never hit anybody or any animal (as an adult). I haven't even yelled at her in years.

[ironMan]

I want to clarify my statement above .. I have never hit an animal but did get in a fight or two as a little kid ..... lol ..... that came out wrong.

But, if I do start hitting anything organic I'll update you all. haha

[ironMan]

Denver mentioned on 2step's thread that maybe I need to change my name to make things less confusing. Hmm, I'll think about that.

Well, she snuggled up to me for a bit tonight and massaged my arms. That was nice. But, I pulled myself away to go to the gym. She continues to talk about plans for the separation and who gets furniture etc. This woman is crazy.

[ironMan]

I feel like my posts are taking forever to show up. Am I on the bad list or something?