I'm a Wreck and in need of HELP!!!!!!!

[d3l1ghts]

i write here through my tears how can everything be so wrong.

have just had the night from hell and i am a cmplete wreck with no one to talk too and no where to turn...PLEASE HELP ME!!!

had an 'uncomfortably bad' sexual experience with my H a few nights ago and unbeknowing to me he had built up resentment towards me and what happened a few nights ago was the final straw.
Tonight H tells me he will never pysically come near me ever again as he now lives in fear of a repeat of that night and does not want to hurt me, which i fully understand, he then tells me he has had no feelings for me since the night before we got married and wishes he never did marry me, i feel this is worse then the ILYBNILWY as he says he never loved me and only married me as his family were there and made the effort to turn up, this hit like a bullet, dont get me wrong i know things were bad but we had promised each to try and have a better life together, but he tells me he was only telling me what i wanted to hear.

i did all the things you shouldnt and have not handled this situation well at all, i cried, shouted , accused and then repeat over and over again, to get nowhere, i should have known where this was going and not get into a R talk but i fell fr the bait hook n line.

th thing is right now i feel foolish for still wanting him even after everything he has said and done i feel such a fool and dont know what to do....HELP!!!

[Baboon]

d3l1ghts - I'm really sorry to hear how tough the past few days have been on you and can only imagine how you feel right now.

I too am very new here so take anything I say with a grain of salt.

When my W dropped the D bomb on me I reacted the same way as you describe. I cried, pleaded, etc. It is totally understandable that you did that - it may have been the worst news in your entire life. I know it felt that way for me. How you reacted today does not need to dictate how you act or react tomorrow however. You still have the opportunity to 180 and be a better person for yourself and those around you. Easier said than done - believe me I know. Being cheerful and upbeat is going to be the hardest thing you do but it is so necessary. Positive people are infectious and a pleasure to be around. Debbie Downer however - nobody wants to be around her. I find myself doing all sorts of things to keep positivity going when it wanes. If I'm alone sometimes I'll cry because I just need to and want to get it out.

Now I don't know your husband but I do know when emotions run high we sometimes say things that we really don't mean. Again I don't know your husband but I know I've done it. When my wife dropped the D bomb on me I told her our time together was a waste and that I lost 8 years of my life. It is how I felt at that exact moment but isn't how I actually feel overall if that makes sense.

Sorry I don't have any real advice for you. If I was there I'd give you a hug - god knows I need one and my wife isn't going to give me one anytime soon! Hope things improve for you.

[MrBond]

I pray that things are okay for your now. What happened?

[Lotus]

People say the most hurtful things they can think of to each other. It is a terrible thing, but I'm sure what he said wasn't true. He was just trying to hurt you, and he succeeded. You sound like you have low self-esteem. You really shouldn't want a man who treats you like that. The first thing you should think about is why you want a man who treats you that way.

[d3l1ghts]

hi MrBond and Lotus thanks for your support, i do have very low slf esteem, i have been asking myself the same question for weeks, why do i want someone who treats me so badly but yet i still cant let go, i am all alone and he has been there for years it hasnt all been bad but it hasnt been good either, this site is the ony place i have been truly honest with how i feel and things that have happened i havent held back.

i have a previous post 'On the verge of who knows what' which i use as a journal blog as i want to see how my moods are and have something to reflect on, i just dont know what to do for the best, he says he doesnt want me but doesnt want me to go either he doesnt realise this leaves me just as confused as he feels

sorry for going on and a long post i'm just all over the place

[ericmsant2]

d3

th thing is right now i feel foolish for still wanting him even after everything he has said and done i feel such a fool and dont know what to do

1) don't feel foolish for letting your emotions get the best of you. It happens.

2) Sit down and calm down for now.

3) When one is not sure what to do, the best thing to do is to do nothing.

Now what exactly happened?

Eric

[tjack45]

D3,

First off, don't beat yourself up anymore... Everyone hear makes mistakes and let's their feelings get the best of them. The most important thing to do now is get yourself under control. Google LIVESTRONG detach and read this every single time you are overwhelmed. I would also like you to consider investing in a DB coach or at least an IC (and at the very least a close friend) to listen to your concerns/feelings and formulate a plan on how you will proceed with your life.... Becoming stable and in control takes hard work and a lot of time..

[MrBond]

Do you have any family or friends you can turn to when you need the support?

[d3l1ghts]

thanks so much for your support, i have been a mess but i now at least calm...i have IC on thursday and i'm really glad my doctor sorted this out really quickly as i really need someone to talk to well vent at. what everyone does for each other on this site s amazing and you touch so many, your words are wise and true and your advise speaks volumes, its funny you know were we come from as some f not all are still going through it bet yet you are strong. thank you for taking the time to help me, you are very much appreciatted. :0)

[sandi2]

It may be that you are so dependent on him that it confuses your emotions into thinking you love him. When a woman has very low self-esteem, she thinks she deserves, or has to take, the bad treatment. However, you do not have to take abuse. It sounds as if he was trying to punish you in some sexual way.

Being alone in a new place can be very scary, but most towns have protected shelters for women who need help. Do you have any relatives who would help you get back home or wherever you wanted to live?