My last thread is getting a bit long, it is a new year, and my situation has had some interesting developments of late that suggest that XH's attitude may be changing so I think it's time to start a new thread. I'm calling it "Is the tide turning??????" because I think that by the end of this thread I will know the answer to that question (yes or no) and I hope to know whether I will continue to stand at that point. Here are the links to my old threads:
I want to thank everyone who posted so many great comments over the past two weeks on my old thread. I have gotten behind in responding and now I REALLY need to find a time to sit down and reply. I'm VERY sorry!!!! In particular, Missher, I REALLY appreciate your feedback on the question of inviting XH to a movie!!!!!!! You were right! (I didn't ask XH to movie........playing it cool )..........and thanks for not hitting me with a 2 x 4. (Phew!!!!!!) I was able to cover up my bruise from your "finger flick" with a little concealer. I had gotten so used to making these kind of friendly gestures (i.e. movie invite) when I was trying to get to the "friendship stage" that now I need reminders to shift my focus, now that I am trying to get to the "romance stage". The events of last fall confirmed for me that I do NOT want to be just a friend to XH. I am not going to give him a big ultimatum in this regard......but I am going to try to shape his behavior.
Over the past few days there have been a couple noteworthy developments and I want to journal these here so that I don't forget. Here goes:
--XH texted my sister happy birthday wishes on her birthday, just as he said he would. My sister was very pleased and I texted XH telling him that sister said it was a nice surprise for her. --I exchanged New Years greetings with XH's sister. --XH and I e-mailed a few times since last Wednesday's TT game. He sent his insurance agent friend an e-mail asking for the name of his arborist and copied me. In one of these exchanges before New Years I sent XH a photo of the Waterford crystal ball (Times Square ball). XH had taken this photo when we toured the Waterford crystal factory in Ireland together..........I wanted to send XH a subtle reminder of a fun time we'd spent together. --XH e-mailed me the e-mail address of his Florida BMF (friend for 30 years). I haven't communicated with him since the bomb. --I e-mailed both (1) XH's insurance agent/friend and (2) Florida BMF and copied XH so that he knows what I said to them.
Here's the interesting part.............Both of XH's friends replied to my e-mails the very first thing this morning (first day back at work). Both e-mails were very friendly and warm.
Of particular note was my exchange with Florida BMF. I had written him (remember I CC'ed XH on this) "Hi FL BMF, I’m not sure whether you recognize my name in my e-mail address, but we once spent a week together on a Caribbean cruise……and hardly ever saw one another. I think you and Mrs. FL BMF were spending a lot of time alone in your cabin, celebrating your anniversary, if I recall correctly. ;-) ;-) ;-)".........The truth is that it was actually XH and I who spent almost the entire cruise in our cabin (wink, wink) and FL BMF was pretty annoyed at the time because he had wanted to catch up with his old friend......By CC'ing XH on this I reminded him of the intensity of the passion we shared at that time in our lives.
Here's the interesting part...........FL BMF responded "Thats funny ! But I recall the time spent in the cabin to have been a pleasure pen for you two little monkeys." Then he said "This is an unexpected pleasure !! ...................I understand you..... have a much better job with alot of free time. Is that a concept or what! Congratulations on your boldness to make the move ..We are happy for you, now you can generate a life........It was really nice hearing from you. I hope your holidays were all you expected and Santa took care of you! Stay in touch. FL BMF"...............so a very, warm friendly response and an invitation to "stay in touch". SCORE!!!!!!!!!! FL BMF has been M'ed for about 30 years and is a very stable family man.
FL BMF is the type of person who doesn't filter what he says. He says whatever comes into his mind. I'm sure he was on the phone with XH today talking about this...............It will be interesting to see what comes of THAT interaction after it percolates a bit.
To me, the significance of all of these things is that they may constitute steps toward reconnection for both of us with each other's family and friends. (YEAH!!!!)
No TT game scheduled with XH for this week yet. I'm waiting to see if he suggests it. That's all for now.
HA, Its late here and I get to be first on the new thread. I will pay in spades in the morning.
I love the interaction with the FL BMF.....nice convo on the sex thing.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
No TT game scheduled with XH for this week yet. I'm waiting to see if he suggests it. That's all for now.
Might I suggest something here????
You guys communicate regularly....right?
So the next time you guys talk via email, and he suggests playing TT, throw him a curve ball......say,
"lets do something different.....I enjoy playing TT and I really enjoy spending time with you Mr. GAG, I think I would like to spend sometime with you doing something else........."
be prepared with a good suggestion and a backup. I think it is time to state the obvious.......right?
You like his company.....what is the harm in saying so???
The other thing it does is get you guys to do something else toghether. Look, I am dating now and I am seeing one lady in particular.....if all we ever did was go to the same restaurant ever time I took her out it would get old really fast, even though we had a fantastic time when we went.
Make sense?? remember you are going to have to kinda take the lead to nudge him along. I am not suggesting you call him and ask him out but rather just change it up once he is already considering spending time with you.
Oh yeah......NO MOVIES....LOL.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I'm happy to see you reconnecting with people from the past. I've often wondered if that ever happens, and I guess you've confirmed for me that in some cases, it does.
You sound terrific and in control, and I wish you the best.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Lots of interesting and positive developments. I was particularly interested in FL BMF's reference to your career. He really acknowledged your ability to recognise a specific situation and take action. That was a very real and genuine affirmation of you. I wondered too, if FL BMF and XH has discussed this previously. Was XH c'ced on FL BMF's response?
I think it's great that you have decided to wait for XH to initiate TT but even more I love MHL's advice!
Missher, Antonia, Seeking, Lorie, and Cas, thanks for your thoughts,
First of all......Missher, hope you weren't TOO tired today! All the ladies and I REALLY do appreciate you sharing your masculine perspective here! You certainly are not predictable. I rarely expect what I read in your posts. I like your suggestion about asking XH to do something different. You're right. Don't want to be boring and predictable! I am looking for something to suggest that won't seem too much like a date. The first thing I thought of was a consumer electronics show (XH loves electronic gadgets). When XH took his home theater system with him it left me with no receiver, speakers, projection TV......so I have been thinking that I should try to figure out what kind of system I can build. XH has expertise in the audio field and would love to look at new equipment.........I haven't been able to find a local consumer electronics show at our convention center, but maybe XH would just be willing to go shopping with me?..........The other pastimes he likes (theater, listening to live music, movies) are all too much like dates.
Antonia, Seeking, and Lorie, thank you for checking in. Yes, I have to say that it has been a healing experience for me to receive positive responses from H/XH's friends and family. I think that when I left my previous career to try and save my M it spoke volumes to everyone around H. It was pretty clear what I had sacrificed to save my M. Of course that choice was made because I knew that that career had interfered with my personal life for years and would prevent me from having a quality R in the future, with H or someone else.
Cas, yes I agree. I really appreciated that FL BMF seemed to understand that leaving my previous career was not an easy choice for me. Yes, H/XH told me he had talked to FL BMF about me leaving my previous career. No, XH wasn't CC'ed on FL BMF's reply, but he might have been blind copied.
.......so today I e-mailed XH a response to 2 e-mails he sent me on sunday and monday. I told him that FL BMF had replied to my e-mail (he didn't say anything about this). XH replied a bit later and said "Let me know when you're up for a TT lesson! ". I replied "I can play this Thursday at 6pm. Let me know if you want to “give me a lesson” (your words) then, OK? I’ll wear my short plaid skirt and knee socks. ;-)".........then XH wrote "Thursday I am to do something with BMF, however, he has been very inconsistent on making our appointed "dates". So for planning purposes….we'll have to wait till next week."............So no TT game this week folks, but XH continues to be irritated with BMF........so I stirred the pot a bit (my bad!) and said "Why would BMF stand you up? You’ve always been very generous to him."
Even though there have been positives in my situation, I am losing patience with XH. I decided to talk to Jody again (next week) to get her "take" on whether or not what has been happening between XH and me recently might be signs of reconnection and movement toward romance.
)..........and thanks for not hitting me with a 2 x 4. (Phew!!!!!!) I was able to cover up my bruise from your "finger flick" with a little concealer. 
I had gotten so used to making these kind of friendly gestures (i.e. movie invite) when I was trying to get to the "friendship stage" that now I need reminders to shift my focus, now that I am trying to get to the "romance stage". The events of last fall confirmed for me that I do NOT want to be just a friend to XH. I am not going to give him a big ultimatum in this regard......but I am going to try to shape his behavior.