Journaling: Well the first week of being seperated is coming to a close. It is easier to detach when she is not around. I was all by myself last night as wife talked daughter into staying with her last night. My oldest son went to friends and middle son was out for a while too. I'll admit it was a little lonely. This is a hard journey for LBS's. I think this will be another deep learning experience in my journey through this life. I have learned I became somewhat co-dependent on her and that will be corrected. I was not like that when we were dating or early in marriage. I cannot go completely dark since we still have connections via our kids but dim will do. I will make plans for this weekend and see where the winds of my life blow. I've learned long ago control is an illusion and the answers come if we let them. Till the next time, everybody hang in there on either side of the journey.
Journaling: I will make plans for this weekend and see where the winds of my life blow. I've learned long ago control is an illusion and the answers come if we let them. Till the next time, everybody hang in there on either side of the journey.
Great attitude Spirit. Let the winds of life blow...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Even though you said you could not remember part of the time you were in MLC, I think you could be a big help to people here, especially those who have a S in MLC.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Journaling: I did have a good Friday. Went to casino with my 2 SIL's and had a good time. On the Wife front. She has to get daughter to school this week so she has access to house. When I came home she had taken a couple things for her apartment. I don't care that since I figured she would get some stuff but to not let me know what stuff she was taking is wrong. I spoke to her about it and her comment was I do everything wrong. I calmly said I didn't say you were wrong but please be respectful and let me know what your taking. She seems to be cycling back to anger again. Honestly right now I don't see her coming out of fog for a long time. It is still tough but I will continue to move on. I don't like it but there is no alternative.
My down times: There are times at night where I yell or curse god about the unfairness of it all. MLC is not a fair thing for the person going through it or the one on the receiving end. I still to this day cannot fathom how our minds are taken over to such a degree that every bearing we had in our life goes out the window. Is it a built in mechanism that allows us to reach spiritual heights that we need to live a meaningful life?(my opinion). If so why do so many people get stuck for such long periods. I like the place that i got to after MLC. It is a peaceful place internally. I do not like the place my wife is at. I wish I could help her but I can't. I do not like the short end of the stick I get from her. I do miss the closeness we shared, yes that is what I miss the most.
Just a quick story. I have a vendor i deal with. His MLC started at 40. He is now 55 and stuck. His life neither moves forward nor backward. I really fell sorry for him. When we talk, my gut tells me he will never come out of it. He talks about this constant feeling that something is wrong in his life. I remember that feeling well pre MLC. Post MLC the quietness and peacefulness that has replaced that feeling is awesome.
I do not know where this new journey will take me. I do not know if my family will be intact. I do not know if external happiness will come my way. I do not know if I will meet some one else. I do not know if my kids will be effected in the future because of this. What I do know is that I am a more peaceful person today having gone through MLC.
The above paragraph says one thing that I believe to be true. There are many more things in life that we don't know compared to what we know. That means life is basically a mystery. We try to cling to security but it is a myth. Control is the illusion in many ways.
Where will we all be when MLC passes by us, through us, or through the ones we love? my answer is I don't know. It remains to be seen. I think the sooner we realize that life is a mystery the sooner we can appreciate all that tests us. Does that mean we have to like it? No. It justs helps us let go of the fear of living.
Sorry if this sounds preachy but I have to remind my self of these things as well each and every day I get up. Especially now because they are difficult.
Well could use some advise. My wife called out of blue and asked if I would co-sign for a loan. She was whining that we are joined financially and this causes her issues moving forward. Creating her financial independence is hampered because she can't do the things she wanted. I was caught off guard but said no i couldn't do that she made the choice to leave and I couldn't help her. Now a week later she texts that she getting a lawyer lined up to start "unentangling us financially". I said you mean your moving toward divorce. She says no i need to be able to make financial decisions that make sense for me. I basically left it go at that. Any thoughts? I am basically detached except when its about the kids. I have a lawyer on call when I need it but until I'm served there is no need. I have protected myself about as much as I can but if we go to divorce ther may be many things changing financially.
I read your posts and have been wondering what transpired. Is she still gone? Still chasing that big paycheck as if it's somehow going to replace you and her kids? Any sign of clearer thinking in past couple of months?
My wife left Oct 9, 2010. I'm DBing like crazy and it has definitely knocked her off course a bit, but no sign yet that she has any intention to move back.
What's the latest?
markk
Me: 55 Her: 50 D 13, D 17 M: 21 years, T: 24 years The bomb: March 1, 2010 Separated: Oct 9, 2010
