Sandi,My MLC lasted 2 1/2 years. Came out totally at 42 1/2. Thats part of the reason I have been DB'ing and giving her space because I know it takes time. I was so out of it much of the time I couldn't tell you everything she did, but I felt she gave me the space even though she didn't understand what was happening. I read a lot of meditation/help books which allowed me to look inside myself and get through it. She does not want to look inward but is projecting everything outward. Me, kids, family and just wants to do her own thing. She is rewriting history quite easily or so it seems.
She just walked away from her children and she thinks it's okay as long as she "still loves" them. You will really have your plate full with the fall-out at home. So much self-centeredness it seems she can't see beyond her nose.
I'm certainly no expert on MLC. However, based on what you've told us, it sure sounds like it. Not all WAW's want to take the kids with them, but from what I've read...it seems that the majority do--and in spite of having an A, they will fight the LBH for their kids! But if she's in MLC...well, she summed it up when she went out the door on her way "to see the world". Perhaps that is a difference between WAW & MLC.....I just don't know.
Have you read any of the threads over on MLC?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
We had a converation today: She wants me to move on with my life. She said down the raod we may get divorced we may not but if she were me she wouldn't wait around. I said you waited when I went through it because you loved me and I would do the same thats how marriages work you support eachother. She reiterated that I signed a year lease. I am a strong woman. I don't need a partner and can make it on my own. She did acknowledged that I've changed and do things for myself but it wasn't enough. She wants an exciting life and that is not me.
Uncanny how closely your sitch resembles mine, even down to the TIMELINE. I got the 'bomb' from my W in March 2010 as well. Was unhappy, had fallen out of love, moved into spare room, said she wanted to separate. I knew she was unhappy - we BOTH were, but I never dreamed she had reached such a desperate point. LST, I took it as a shovel to the side of my head and took full respons for my behavior, recommitted to her and our family, told her she was right and whatever time and space she needed was OK. It was hard, but after several weeks, it WORKED! She came back to our BR and for about two months, all was well. Then in late summer, in a nutshell, she changed her mind again. I pleaded with her and did everything I could to stop her, but she was unswayed and moved out Oct 9th. So I'm a couple steps beyond your sitch, I think, and pray it doesn't go that far for you. I am trying my best to stay true to the DR approach, resist my feelings of despair and longing for her, but MAN it's hard. The holidays were horrible and I do NOT want to have to go them again like this.
Tell me more about what led your wife to her 'state of mind.' Mine was a new job, working out of the house for first time in 11 years, better salary, etc. Classic MLC, but she isn't showing signs of thawing and the pain is unbearable.
Marcusko, My wife was very loving and family oriented for 1 st 20 yrs of marriage. Here is some approx timeline things: Career woman early 20's. After 2nd child went part time. resumed career partime - full time mid 30's. last kid at 32. started going out more around 36-37. career resumed moved up and a couple promotions. working out, plastice surgery, dressing younger late 30's promoted to Asst CEO at 43 bomb drop March 2010 the self centeredness started a while back, but for a time it actaully enhanced our marriage or I was totally blind but:
My wie had made a comment about 6 years ago which gave me pause. She live life skimming the surface. Not a deep person. Whats wierd is how caring toward me she was. I guess in herlife up until now she was able to do things outwardly which would suffice and fulfill her needs but she ran out of things and now is on the road to excitement. I see now how eventually you need to pay uip to your inner self and for her it has caused this MLC and she is fighting it this way. I have no control in her journey but it is destroying family, marriage, finaces etc.
Sometimes posts don't posts. She was always family oriented til around 35. She then exercised more , had tummy tuck, etc and became more vain and went out more. She still was there for me and family as well. Looking back the shift happened gradually.So gradually i didn't notice til the kiss in June. Previously we were close emotionally and physcially or so I thought. Her job became more important as well. Now she is in upper mgmt and that is the most important thing.
Journaling: Its tough when your emotions hit full force. just talking with 12 yr old daughter. Didnnt go to school today from a belly ache. I think its more anxiety from the sit. I talked to her about things were going to do this summer and the fun we can have. She just started crying shaking her head up and down but you could tell there was no conviction. Her eyes were asking me why? H*ll I can't answer the question myself. when I left the room I had a cry as well as I am hurting that wife left and it seems over. One foot in front of the other fake it til you make it.
Journaling: Wife is picking kids up and taking them to school this week. I will get them from school and have them the rest of the time. Taking the high road is probably the most difficult thing to do when you are hurting. I am going to be there for my kids especially my daughter since she is 12. I think my wifes journey is going to be a long one. Any advice when this is your gut feel? I guess just live life for yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Feeling your emotions is natural so just let it flow. Sorry just meandering a bit. I find myself doing that sometimes.
Perhaps that is a difference between WAW & MLC.....I just don't know.