I am still struggling with the idea of what might occur if W's EA turns into PA.
You shouldn't be making a distinction between EA/PA. If he has her heart, there is nothing she won't do for him.
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sick to my stomach about what is happening.
This is normal. Get some exercise.
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Do you know if you will be able to forgive your wife at any point?
Already have. You must let it go; it's for you, not her.
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Will you take her back?
That depends on a lot of factors, of course. I won't settle for being her second choice. I deserve better. Plenty of beautiful women will put me first; I won't settle for less.
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I feel A LOT of guilt for my behavior and driving her to do this in many ways.
Focus your efforts here. This is something you control.
That's exactly the point of DB. You need to have other skills. If all you do is pull away, you don't have a relationship. Read everything by Jamesjohn on coming out of the dark.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
There's no way of knowing how long it may take. Several weeks to six months doesn't seem to be unusual.
You're right about feeling your absence, consider also that at some point she may actually begin to lean more heavily on the OM to meet the needs you are no longer meeting for her. This may feel like she has stopped pursuing you and feel like a negative thing but it is usually the beginning of the end of the relationship with OM and a necessary phase.
She might eventually send you a message, one way or the other, that you two 'need to talk'. If at that point she tells you she has broken it off with OM and she wants to talk about your relationship, just be cool, listen to her with understanding and take it slow.
at some point she may actually begin to lean more heavily on the OM to meet the needs you are no longer meeting for her. This may feel like she has stopped pursuing you and feel like a negative thing but it is usually the beginning of the end of the relationship with OM and a necessary phase.
Well...that's one he11 of a strategy, ED. Drive her into another man's arms and hope he F's it up. That's the best I can do?
Well...that's one he11 of a strategy, ED. Drive her into another man's arms and hope he F's it up. That's the best I can do?
When you let go of the fear of driving her into the arms of OM, and focus on your personal growth goals, then I think you will realize a sense of freedom and revived self-confidence.
I believe the point that Ed is making is that the more pressure applied to OM by your W, the more their fantasy fades and he'll duck tail and leave. The sooner she sees that that all he wants is a PA with her, the sooneer she'll come out of her WAW fog.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
