I hear what you are saying Al and my sister is one of those who tried for years and spent tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments with no results. She gets very emotional around the holidays and when she is around people with babies sometimes.
However I do think there is a difference. In the case of someone struggling with infertility, there never was a baby. They are morning the dream of something they wanted but never had.
In my case, I had my husband. And he is not dead and gone. I have to see him and hear him and communicate with him. Imagine if you had your baby taken from you but it was raised in your small town and you saw your child all the time but could not take him/her home with you...
This morning Sydney was asking for her daddy so I let her call him. They talked for about 5 minutes and her voice was very small and sad. He texted me about 40 minutes later "Is she ok"
I just replied that she missed her daddy and missed her family. In fact yesterday she told me "daddy says he loves you and wants to live together again" but she had made that up.
He replied that he was glad she called bc he missed her too. I replied, "Yes I miss them too when they are with you. Sharing them is difficult." And he replied "Yes it [censored] but that is the way it will be so we will just have to do the best for them that we can"
He replied that he was glad she called bc he missed her too. I replied, "Yes I miss them too when they are with you. Sharing them is difficult." And he replied "Yes it [censored] but that is the way it will be so we will just have to do the best for them that we can"
Doesn't that make you want to scream and shake him!!! "It didn't have to be that way you big A$$!!!!!!!!" That is one of the things that bothers me the most....when my X complains about not getting to see the kids as much as he'd like. well too bad, you made that choice! I don't get to be with them all the time either, but I didn't choose that! He chose OW over our family, so I have no sympathy! And I agree with whoever said it is hard for the spouse who was left, because it wasn't our choice and on some level we will always have some love left there, and always wonder what if..... As we are forced to live with their choice.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I know! So many responses flashed through my head but I didn't send any of them.
As a mom I would do just about anything if it would bring my kids peace and contentment. And yet he apparently has no desire.
I sent no response but I hope he spent time today thinking about what Sydney said and feeling like crap. In the past he has said that things like that weigh on his mind. Of course not enough to change anything.
And my migraine is coming back, it grew through the day yesterday and is flaring up again...
I never compare one particular feeling with another....people hurt in different ways.
I probably wrote this somewhere before.....mourning the loss of something is very difficult when you look at it in the face daily. That is what we deal with regularly. We all cope differently....but it is not easy. They say time heals all wounds....some wounds a re deeper and some will not heal if you keep scratching. You need a balm to help you stop scratching.
Or maybe find a really nasty smelling perfume. Everytime you think of Dan you have to spray just a bit. After a while you won't miss him at all. I am trying here!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I sent no response but I hope he spent time today thinking about what Sydney said and feeling like crap. In the past he has said that things like that weigh on his mind. Of course not enough to change anything.
SAdly he probably didn't give it a second thought. I used to wish my X would feel bad about things like that too.....then i realized he didn't. He truly believed he did the right thing. :::sigh:::
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Hi sis, I have been reading, seeing you hit a low. Do not underestimate the fact that "your date" hasnt been eager to take it further with you -not yet at least-, it kind of pushes you to the direction of the familiar and what you've known all yoru adult life:Dan.
I also see that Dan's response was a message to you as well. Sounds to me he wants you to realise he has come to terms with the fact you arent going to be together again? Makes me wonder why he likes to pull your chain every once in a while...
I agree with those saying you will always have some kind of affection for your xH.
She gets very emotional around the holidays and when she is around people with babies sometimes.