EXwife was having affair with younger coworker for many months. I tried all the DB, but to no avail.
Do I want her back? Nope.
Do I want revenge? Yes.
For the past 6 months, I have been thinking/plotting... of hurting the OM.... everything from harming him physically (not me doing it).... withdrawing his bank account (don't ask)... trashing his car..... and my favorite... exposing his actions (shaming) to ALL HIS COWORKERS.... including his drug use... and STDs..... (will this fire him? of course not... but to have people talking.. just in time for xmass party).... (no.. i would not use my own email address nor IP address).....
Curious... I know none of you "good people" would EVER do something like this... but perhaps you "heard" of different examples...
You don't want to go down that road. Is it worth getting arrested or sued? I understand the anger. Hell my W's OM came to my working place to try and get me fired.
The biggest thing I was proud of was staring at the OM in the face and having no fear in calling his bluff. I knew that even if I was fired at that time, I'd be alright and I'd be a better man than the @$$hole he was.
As for the drug use, do you have kids? I would expose that because that puts them in danger.
For the STD's, if he's having sex with your ExW and others while knowing he has this, he can be thrown in jail for putting women at risk.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
And to be honest. Alot of the fault does lie with your W. Even though he's supplying the Kool-Aid, doesn't mean she had to drink it. She'll get the hint once the burning sensation starts.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Cha, Don't do it. We all have those fantasies. But like a lot of fantasies, the more you think about it, the bigger it gets (take the A for example! It started out as a little fantasy for your W, I'm sure, then got bigger!). The anger you feel is normal and so is the desire for revenge. I typed e-mails to OW's boss but didn't send them.
Here's the only time you should have threated work exposure, I think--when you were in divorce proceedings and wanted to see how marital assets were spent and question the drug use for child custody. Not now. Its too late and won't get you anything. If its part of the divorce negotiations, it might actually get you something, but now it would just make you feel embarassed and make you look desperate.
But it is COMPLETELY normal to have those fantasies. I tried to replace mine with the statement "This affair really hurt me. It hurt me deeply" and to stay with that hurt for awhile. The anger is covering up the hurt anyway, and it turns the focus to your caring for yourself. Weird. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I don't want my XH back, but I would be very happy to learn that the A crashed and burned. Funny, I'd be OK if he were in a different relationship--just not this one. An affair feels like intentional infliction of emotional distress to the LBS. To me, it feels like it was planned by both of them with the specific intent to cause pain to me and my kids. I'm sure they don't see it that way, but because it feels that way you want revenge. But in the end, its just selfish and immature behavior by a spouse who is seeking a thrill.
