Standing firm on no communication with H. Its been less than a week since he moved next door. I realized last night that I am more comfortable with him gone. I don't know if that is bad. I also realized that if a D goes through I will be fine. I'm not going to rush it but I have set a end date( for myself, H doesn't need to know). If this is still going on by July I will end it myself. I'm only 43 and I want a life too! I figure if nothing has changed by then it probably won't. In the meantime I have two lovely children still at home and a bunch of things I haven't done in a long time that I want to start doing again. I have actually improved a lot since summer even if H doesn't notice or care. I have lost 65 pounds, regularly go to the gym now. I've become calmer and more interested in stuff again. I've been at home for awhile but I'm now considering going back to work. I do hope my M has a turnaround but I'm going to be realistic because it might not and I don't want to sit here spinning my wheels in the meantime.
WOW! Now that's the kind of spunk a gal needs at a time like this! What an amazing weight loss. Your plan for GAL is great. Stick to your goals and do not let those "down" times prevent you achieving what you've set out to do.
We would like to hear from you more often,if possible. Also, if you could stick to one main thread it might be less confusing for folks like me....
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
To: sandi2 I read some very old comments you made to someone that struck a chord. I'd forgotten all about the old "playing hard to get" approach. As you can see I have not dated in a very long time. Anyway, last night I had a Lia Sophia (kind of like Tupperware but with jewelry) party so I couldn't make my older daughter's concert. Turns out my H took a couple of hours off work to go. I don't know what he thought of the fact that I didn't make the concert. I told him over the weekend that I'm confused too and I don't know how I feel about the M since he moved out. Back to not communicating for awhile.
I don't know what he thought of the fact that I didn't make the concert. I told him over the weekend that I'm confused too and I don't know how I feel about the M since he moved out. Back to not communicating for awhile.
Oh, but I see this in a positive light,and here's why.....if you have your time filled with other things beside family, and especially him, that not only makes you less available but you appear mysterious to him.
You see, when a couple has been M for a long time, they know each other so well that there's nothing new to learn.....almost. That's why A's can be so appealing at first b/c everything is new & exciting. Anyway, you have an opportunity to be a bit mysterous......."if" you won't tell him every move you make.I love your comment about not know how you feel about the M. That's perfect! Now he will be thinking if you're losing interest.
Did you tell him "why" you didn't go to the concert? You don't have to, you know. I'm not suggesting to be rude, but you can just say your plans were changed or whatever.....just be vague. That causes interest, and it's a great 180!!
Good job! Keep going!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I haven't talked or heard from him since Sunday when I picked up my youngest from next door. I didn't think he was going to the concert because of work and I already had plans for the party before the concert was rescheduled that I couldn't get out of. I don't know if he knew about the party or not. I had made plans for it before he moved out but I don't know if I told him. My youngest went over to his place last night I stood watching from the doorway and he stood at his doorway to make sure she was safe. She called to let him know she was coming.
After the not being sure about the M comment I told him I would like to work on things but I was at a point where it could go either way and I wasn't sure which way at this time. By the way, I think you asked before, my H is 45. I was planning on emailing to tell him the Christmas gifts and cards for both sides of the family have been sent and that his parents still need a card. I don't know whether to ask about his visit with D this coming weekend or if I should wait for him to get in touch.
The last couple of days were okay. I emailed info about family gifts to him on Wednesday. Also said there was trouble with heater but I figured out the problem so emailed again not to worry about it. No response either time. I actually talked to H last night. He called. Wanted to know if youngest D was coming over. I told him that I didn't realize he was home, I hadn't heard him drive in. I also said that D had said he wouldn't be available because she was told he was working late. Anyway, she went over for an hour. Not sure what is going on with him. My dad will be here on Sat night. So I'd like my youngest here on Sunday.
Thank you for the reply, sandi2. I did have a question though. The comment I made about not being sure anymore is true. I am very tired of all this and often just want an end one way or the other. How does someone deal with those feelings? When I feel that way I just want to tell him that I want out of the marriage and this living arrangement (next door to each other). I'd rather just move on.
New development. My youngest is spending the night at H apartment which is right next door. She is due back around 6:30-7pm. Anyway she pops in here about 3:30 to ask if me and her older sister want to come over for dinner at 5:30. Said yes but don't know what to make of it. Is he reaching out to older D or to both of us? Or is he just trying to soften me up for the final blow? I'll try to keep an open mind but my guard is up.
