The different path... Continued

[newmama]

I am confused--you continue on leave but get paid for 5 days each week? That sounds like the better option, right?

How are you feeling lately?

[Mystik]

I didn't explain the leave thing very well, did I? Sorry about that.

I work a 10 day pay period. So if I return to work part time with full pay and work 4 full days I will get 4 full days pay. Or I can stay on leave, get 10 days at half pay, which is equal to 5 full days. Or this morning I realized I can return to work part time, work the two full days I am not at treatment and work 2.5 to 3 hours the other three days of each week, which will come out to be about 6 days pay.

I do have to factor in the extra gas going to work every day will use since I work 12 miles one-way the completely opposite direction from home than treatment is, the extra wear and tear on my car from the extra driving each day, and the stress of having to get everything wrapped up at work in 3 hours on those three days a week so I can get to treatment on time.

[Mystik]

As for how I'm doing lately, I'm ok. Working at staying in the moment. I still have my days where I miss my H and ruminate about things but when I do I try and redirect myself to the present. Yesterday was a good day, I was home all day while my car was at the garage (needed new spark plugs and an oil change) and I got a lot accomplished, only a couple things left on my to-do list. Before, I would have spent the entire day watching TV and playing on the computer, getting nothing done. So yeah, definitely a positive change.

[bluestar]

Mystik, maybe there are other areas you could work on during the extra hours off even if you weren't in therapy. Those hours could be so good for you. You've told us that things have been sliding in many areas because of your depression.

What if you took the extra time off and used it to fill up your cup? Like re-doing a room at home the way you and your son would enjoy it. Or, spending an afternoon sipping coffee at the bookstore enjoying a new book or magazine. Or, joining a mom's group in your area. Or, a bible study. I could go on but you get the point.

This could be a really good way to boost your therapy time. Instead of trying to be everywhere all the time, maybe this is the time to give yourself a break. At least for a few weeks.

[Mystik]

A few weeks is most likely all I will have. My schedule is going to be Monday, Tuesday and Thursday from 11:45 to 4. My therapist is looking at possible discharge after Christmas. She said she's seen a lot of improvement since I started the week of Thanksgiving.

I do like the idea of using my time out of treatment to work on things for me. Taking time to recharge my batteries.

[newmama]

Recharging is the right track! At first it may feel weird... selfish even... doing things that YOU want to do for YOU. BUt then it becomes empowering. So start that brainstorm list! I had some random things like "decorate a cake" and "go the beach by myself" and "learn to belly dance" and "make a toy box"

I did ALL of those things except make a toy box- bought the supplies but didn't go further...I actually just purchased a nice one that you assemble yourself, lol! But hey, I wouldn't have done those things unless I dreamed of them and wrote them down!

And it means something if your therapist tells you she's seen progress in the LAST MONTH! Good rate of growth, Mystik!

[Mystik]

Well, so far no real recharging has been done. Too much other stuff to do with Christmas coming next week. On Tuesday I did a lot of straightening up, caught up on laundry, caught up on dishes, etc. Today is hiding DS's Christmas presents and going through the box of toys for Salvation Army, getting them organized for donation. Right now the toys are all in a box, I'm going to sort them and group them together in bags. Ben10 toys together, GI Joes together, and so on. But I am feeling accomplished with all that I'm getting done, which is one of the DBT skills I'm learning.

[newmama]

lol- "NO REAL RECHARGING" when you just posted a huge list of productive tasks that you couldn't even attempt to tackle a month ago? (due to your deep depression) But at least you said you are feeling accomplished, so good job giving yourself some credit, girl!

I can't wait until S gets into GI Joe and all of those "boy" toys!

[Mystik]

Ok, so I didn't think of it that way NM. I did do a lot better than usual.

My DS is definitely all boy. Not so much into trucks but is all about action figures, Legos, talking about farts and butts, especially at inappropriate times. The fun you have to look forward to! *lol*

[Mystik]

Had my family Christmas party tonight. DS did well, probably due to the three hour nap I made him take which made us late to the party. He needed some coaching to say thank you for the gifts, especially the ones he didn't particularly like, but he wasn't rude like I was afraid of.