Oh sure! There have been people to R after D has been filed! I think Greek had file D when she & Coach R. I personally know couples that went through the who D and then got remarried!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She doesn't know I know she filed if I am not served this week then she probably didn't goto the sherrifs to have it done. Website says they serve within one business day. She has mentioned nothing about her house deal or D and is communicating more about regular stuff than last week so who knows I am at the point of whatever. Not even sure what I want with this M at the moment.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Well she fessed up she did file but not for me to be served yet. That's what it sounds like. She is very angry tonight I am just letting her vent and acknowleging, can't call it constructive but the common theme is that she has just had it with everyone. She feels numb. She is truly acting like the reported A withdrawal signs. Also going off about a couple specific precursus to the A. They were me being strict with oldest. Instead of standing her ground she gave in at the point of disagreement. I don't know if there will be any reconcilliation here she is soooooo angry. time will tell. So to if my heart endures this beatdown.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
It sounds very much like she wants to escape everything. Not an adult thing to do when you have responsibilities, but we can still feel that way.
The very best thing for you to do is back off and leave her alone. Focus on your children and giving them as good a time possible for Christmas (under the circumstances). Detach from her, but don't be mean or cold. Just go ahead and proceed with Christmas and act as if she's a cousin staying over.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
No I was not pressuring just asked if we needed to talk about anything and she spiralled. I responded to everything calmly acknowledging her statements. Trying to do the validating I did also defend myself when she went a little to far. I was not mean. I told her I can get through all this that has happened but for the first time I set a boundary and said but I cannot deal with you remaining in contact with him through whatever means in this house and be able to work through that. She has been saying she wants out now for 3 months. She could easily go rent. Instead she is trying to buy I have straight out told her I am not trying to stop her. She eliminates recovery from the equation because the A will always be the she says she is nothing special, she says I deserve someone better, for the first time in her life she is happier at work, she now wants to tell parents inlaws about the A. But she says she is done with everyone. She wants to move away. She doesn't want to rely on anyone. Is this fog talk.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Every time you ask "do we need to talk"...That's pressure. Anything you say to her right now is very likely to be pressuring her. You have to stop this. It's only proving to her that she's right to do what she's doing. She's going to do it anyway but every time you give her "proof", she gets to blame you instead of facing the reality of her choices.
Focus on your kids. They need you to be there for them. She's proven that she won't be. Be the best parent you possibly can.
I did not see that as pressuring I will keep it in mind. I hope she comes out of this fog because she is doing less and less even as mom. I am sure she is depressed but she denies it. She is still like an alien.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
It looks like she's justifying herself by blaming you. "It's your fault, you drove her over the edge." Same as my W. Hang in there, keep your cool.
Sooner (hopefully) or later everyone must face the truth that we are all responsible for our own choices in life.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
