I agree with MrBond. Let it play. Build some positive times together and experiences; let her know that she is free to choose what she wants to do. Anything else will only result in more resentment or efforts to pull away.
With my WAH, it got to the point where everything about our place was wrong. He got headaches from being in our apartment, so he needed to be away more. It was ridiculous. I just let him go and do his thing. Now, he can't stay away from me or our place. Go figure.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
All I really know is that she isn't sleeping well. There was stuff about fixing a mistake (our marriage) and how she just wanted to be alone and away from everyone, but that was it.
Update since last time. She never left. We are back in the same room. Sleeping for both of us has improved. And we are seeing a therapist.
Which brings me to my next question... and I may move this thread soon. The therapist told me after a couple of sessions (one as a couple and one as individuals) that my WAW is having a "serious emotional crisis, [you can call it] a midlife crisis."
He has some good ideas as to why this is happening now; the important thing is that none of them have anything to do with me. He actually told me to stop blaming myself. I read MWD's chapter on this in DR and looked at the appropriate video. They are spot on with what I am experiencing at home.
If any of you have any suggestions on what to do, I'd appreciate it. We are continuing with therapy as indivduals so she can sort things out, but that is by no means a sign that it will go either way. Therapist has mentioned the potential outcomes of separation but isn't pushing it at this point.
Don't talk to her about the R unless she wants to. Show her that it's okay for her to open up to you but don't push it. Start being a little more playful around her but not too much.
What changes has she been going through? What are her new interests and likes? Watch and observe her closely.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The changes that are relevant are the ones I described way back in this thread. Nothing new.
New interests: she has tried a variety of class exercise programs, but mainly going out with girlfriends. She also suggested we date other people, but the new therapist said no. Thank goodness.
I saw our therapist again this week. It is clear by now that WAW has some issues she is working through- midlife crisis, anger at having married young and "missing out" on being single, feeling that this isn't working for her.
Therapist said she was in deep moral conflict between her upbringing and her desires, to a crisis level. She has not asked me to leave because it was immoral in her mind.
I asked what I needed to do to help her. He said leave.
Its not what I want. The therapist has temporarily shut down her wanting to date other people, but he told me that frankly, if she wants to do that this badly she needs to learn what it is all about.
She is still witholding any real affection, even if she is treating me well otherwise. Anybody have any ideas? I don't know how I can do this and hang onto my dignity, given that I am currently financially dependent on her. (Don't worry, working o that!) MOUNTAIN LION
If your wife is having a MLC, I suggest that you start a thread over on that forum. I also suggest that you read the resources that would be provided to you when you start a thread in MLC.
What YOU need to understand now is that IF YOUR W is having a crisis. It is HER crisis - nothing YOU do will change it or speed it up. Some things that YOU do will make it worse.
My short and simple advice....
Live YOUR life. Stop worry about what she is thinking or doing. Act as if she is never coming back. Work on yourself.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Still thinking of moving this thread... not been able to find the time!
I could tell this evening when she came in she wanted to talk the R. She finally said so. I said I had to talk to the therapist again first. (This is true, I do not want to say anything that will compromise her theraputic process.)
If anyone can provide ideas on how to manage the R talk; what to say, what not to, and where not to go, I'd appreciate it!
Very simple Mountain... You need not say anything... STFU and validate... That's it...
Remember, HER perception IS HER reality!!!
And I suggest you not blow her off with, "I want to talk to my doctor". Listen to her feelings everytime. Trust me, if you don't someone else will.
Good luck my friend.
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
