Thanks, Tank. I know I probably shouldn't have brought up the R, but it didn't go horribly and I wasn't a sad sap. I just went with the flow. He even called me "dear" a few times last night, which is normal behavior for him but been very uncommon here lately due to the situation. I don't know if it means anything or if it's just habit. I love hearing it. He's even sent me a couple of pics of the baby today, which is something he hasn't done in a long time when he's been keeping her. Even sent one of her sleeping where she crinkles her face up like I do when I sleep. His caption was: "I know someone else who makes this face while they sleep." What is the opinion on all this? I get that he still needs his space and still plans on the D right now, but are these all positive signs that things could be moving in a better direction for our releationship/reconciliation. I know most of us in this situation are looking for any signs of hope, but what do you all think?
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
Doneafter my wife wants a divorce after 12 years of marriage. She hasn't filed but we have been separated for 2 months. I know the feeling i have just started the db and i did all the crying and begging for two months all it did was push her further away and into the attorneys office. You have to keep all contact just about the child its the only way, let him come to you. My wife is so cold to me right now even though her friends say she has made to comment she missed me. i did no contact for a week just before she started making the i miss him comments. i know its the hardest thing to do but its the only way he will see how life truly is without you. I promise u the ow will die off u just have to be strong and take care of u and your child. He is not going to give u any hope about your marriage so no need to even bring it up or ask.
John--I'm trying to limit my contact with him, but at the advice of my coach--increasing it some by just telling him something funny that I normally would. She advised me that if he didn't respond to it--then not to do it again, but if he did then keep doing small things like that here and there. However, most of the contact I have with him is in regards to the baby. He is no longer cold to me like he was while he was still at home and for the first couple of weeks/month of the seperation. he went from cold, to quiet and guarded, to now more open and upbeat. He's talkign to me more now than he has in a long time. It isn't about R stuff, just things he's doing with his life. He never asks me about me--I'm sure b/c he knows that my life hasn't changed much b/c I'm the one left with all the responsibility of caring for the baby and the house and what not. I have been going out more with friends, but I feel so guilty about leaving my baby when I don't see her during the day b/c of work. I hate passing her off on other ppl during the weekend. I don't know if he misses me at all. I don't think so. If he does, he doesn't verbalize it. He acts as if he is happy with his decision to D and is fine being without me. I'm miserable without him, but I'm getting used to him not being there. It still isn't easy, but it's better than it was. He doesn't have t miss me, though, b/c he has never been alone during this. He's stayed with his buddy, who is single. I'm sure he's still involved with the OW. So, he has no concept of lonely at this point. He gets to see the baby, so he misses her, but the longer he is away from her the easier it will get. I just don't know if what I am doing is making any difference for our R. Sometimes I think so and other times I don't. So I just don't know....
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
Question for moderator and those of you more experienced in this that myself: My husband is planning on getting an apt--already buying stuff for it and what not. He's quit wearing his ring. Admits he still cares for OW, though he denies current contact. On the other hand, he is talking to me more when he is at the house to visit the baby. He has called me pet names. He still hugs me when he leaves and even gave me an extra rub/tickle on my back last night before he left. After he left, I noticed he had made up both beds (something he rarely if ever did when he was at home) and also had extra bottles for the baby fixed so I wouldn't have to do that later on. I found them to be very helpful and thoughtful. This is somewhat new behavior for him. I sent him a text and told him how much I appreciated it and how helpful it was. I normally would have thanked him, but he felt unappreciated in the past, so part of my 180 is to be more appreciative. Am I reading into these nice gestures too much? What's the opinion on this?
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
This is just my guess, kind of mindreading based on what you have written. He is still seeing the OW and he wants to cake eat.
I wish I could say that this all sounds wonderful but he should have gone through withdrawal and depression after no more OW, this would take longer than 1 week.
So keep your expectations low and keep working on yourself.
It's very difficult to not read into anything at this point b/c I want so desperately to find hope in anything. He is acting more like himself (the man I love and who loved me once upon a time) more often these days. I realize there is a very strong possibility he is still involved with the OW. Sometimes I wish not, but at other times I wish so b/c it will fizzle out sooner if he is with her. Last Monday I approaced him about attending a marriage seminar. Validated that I understood he was finished with me, but that I wanted to be able to look our daughter in the eye and tell her we tried everything. He said, "Maybe." I didn't mention it anymore till next day and he wanted to look at the website for seminar, so I provided that info. Next day I asked him if he had looked at it. He had, but stated, "It is a marriage seminar." I told him that it would help us make sure we were doing the right thing by going through with the D. He agreed to talk with someone from the place doing the seminar. He did this on Thursday. He told the man he was leaning toward not coming (up until this point he has been totally resistant to any counseling). He sent me a text saying he had talked to the guy. I told him thanks and made sure his questions had been answered. I did not mention it anymore. Friday night he approaced me with the subject and asked if we could go to the one scheduled for January. I remained calm and nonchalant and said, "Sure, if you will go that is fine. I will get us enrolled." I left it at that. So, I really feel this is good. I don't know what his intentions are in going. He knows it's a marriage workshop. He knows there is a possiblity it could change his mind about the D. So, I don't know if he is going to ease a guilty conscience (likely). I'm just thankful he is going. I've just got to keep up my DB over the next month and hope things stay on the right track. Thanks for thinking I'm doing great. I feel crazy on the inside much of the time, but I try not to let him see it.
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
Husband went ahead and rented his apartment. He told me last night, "Well, I finally have a place to live now." I simply responded, "That's good." I don't like that he made that step (even though he hasn't been living at home for over a month now) b/c he had to sign a 6 month lease. But, I know it isn't the end of the world either. I just have to keep doing to DB/180s. The next 4 weeks are critical b/c I don't want anything to happen that will make him change his mind about going to the marriage seminar. I have a session with my DB coach tonight, so I'm looking forward to that. Husband and I are taking baby to get her pic made with Santa tonight. I asked him last night if he wanted to go and he said he would. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. I want it to be a fun family event that is low-key and light hearted, so we can both relax and have fun. I also want him to see that he is missing out on so much by being away from his wife and daughter. I hate it for him that he is choosing to live apart from us b/c this time with his daughter (especially with her growing and changing everyday) is time he can never get back....
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
