Ugh! Today is one of those "bad" days where you just feel really hopeless and sad about the crap you are going through. My WAH is coming over tonight to stay and help with the baby, so I can get some rest. I asked him to do this b/c I feel like I'm getting sick. The baby has not been resting well and I'm exhausted. Prior to him coming to spend the night, he was going to visit with the baby this afternoon, but go stay in a hotel in the town his office is in overnight and come back first thing in the am b/c he is keeping her all day tomorrow. My first thought, of course, is that he will be with the OW tonight. Since his plans have changed, he says he will is going to his office for a while and won't be coming to the house till later tongight. (There is no reason for him to go to the office b/c he works for a congressman who got defeated in November and the offices are being shut down.) I am so tempted to call the hotel there b/c I'm sure he has plans to spend the afternoon with the OW. I know I should NOT do this and will only hurt me worse if I am right, so help!!
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
I don't know why. There is no reason to do it. I'm just having a really bad day. Some days I just feel so overwhelmed with emotion and panic and that "need" to beg him and try to talk him into his senses. So far, since doing the DB techniques, I have been able to resist doing any of this. I'm just having a rough day.
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
Bad days happen. But knowing that you are having one can help you get through it, since you know it will pass!
Look at it this way... Let's say you call, and yes, he's at the hotel. OK, you already "knew" that, so it doesn't really change anything. But, let's say he's not there. The only thing that will happen is that you'll assume that means they must have found another nest! It won't change anything, one way or the other! So don't bother yourself with it!
stay strong da10. Rant on here, but dont call the hotel. If hes there, you will just get angry and it might effect the evenings plans, if hes not there, you just try to figure out where he is.
do something for yourself. have a hot bath if you can. or just wait till he gets there hand him the baby and say bye. lock yourself in your room fir the night or better yet go to a friends. if he says something about it, just say you need to rest and it will be easier elsewhere.
just remember to focus on you and what you can do, not what he can or is doing.
Thanks Tank and Desert Rat. You are both right and I know it will not serve me or him well to call the hotel. It's just that curiousity that is driving me--that and the bad day I'm having. I've got to keep staying strong. It's the only thing that has made any sort of difference so far....
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
So, I didn't call the hotel!! Yay, me! But, I did something else--had small R talk with WAH last night! It wasn't bad and I didn't mope or cry or beg or anything like that at all. I just brought it up--which I didn't plan on doing at all. He just talked about the apartment he is getting and he wasn't wearing his wedding ring anymore (said it fell off and he put it on his key ring so he wouldn't lose it and hadn't thought to put it back on--he hasn't taken that ring off in 10 years). I think I got overwhelmed with it all. I just asked him if he was sure he wanted to go ahead and get an apartment. Sd he had to do it sometime. Then asked him if he had any change of thoughts on the D. He said no. So, I just said "okay." I then asked if he had any contact with OW. He again said no, but of course who knows if that's true. Said he still cares for her. I just listened to him and told him "okay." Then we just carried on talking about his new business and things he needs for his apartment. He is more open to me now and is more talkative in the past several days. It's more to the friendship level it seems now. Which is better than it was even a week ago. Did I totally screw up here? I know I shouldn't have asked or said anything, but this is my first backslide since starting the DB. He also talked to a man this morning from a workshop I'm trying to get him to attend. I was surprised he talked to him, but he hasn't agreed to go. He told the guy he was leaning more toward not going. So, I'm not sure he will go, but I'm praying that he will.
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
good job DA10, we all fall down, its how you pick yourself up and continue that matters.
Stay away from relationship talk right now. Until he moves into that apartment dont worry about it. He has made it known he feels that he needs its. Validate that to him. As for the workshop, just that he spoke about it is a good sign. means he hasnt ruled it out.
Keep looking after yourself. i would say that last night was not a mistake, you handle yourself fine.
