Brief history: Wife had short-lived EA/PA over the summer. We have been married 12 years, no kids. We are both in the performing arts, EA/PA happened at summer music festival while I was not there. We had just moved, I was at home for most of the time, although I saw her for our anniversary 10 days before PA. We just flipped breadwinner situations-she is now the breadwinner while I finish my doctoral degree. She has promised to support me financially regardless.
She confessed about 3 weeks after EA/PA. She told me she had never been in love with me and was sorry we got married before she actually confessed the EA/PA.
Spent a lot of time crying, groveling, trying to pull myself together. First counselor was a disaster-she thought that we should separate so W could self-actualize and that I should consider dating.
About a month after her confession I learned they had cut each other off-though I think it was TOM who did the cutting. She mourned the whole thing in front of me.
We tried to date each other but her heart wasn't in it. I was trying not to grovel but did anyway. She finally told me she didn't want to spend money on our relationship because she didn't want me. Later that week I exposed the whole thing to her family, who has been proactive in trying to save the marriage and very supportive of both of us.
A cousin led me to DB site last week. I read Divorce Busting already, and have a 180 plan that gets me out of our apartment more, volunteering, spending time with friends, and looking for jobs out of town.
She has been inconsistent- when I started looking at jobs out of town she seemed to show interest in staying together. At the same time, she is furious over exposure and will not touch me. She hasn't worn her wedding band since the EA/PA (with a few exceptions on social occasions). I fear she may be preparing to ask for a D, though I have no evidence of that. Because of residency requirements, we can't start for several months anyway.
OK-can I save this? And with the Holidays coming up, do I respond to her wanting to do things like decorate the Christmas tree?
WAW told a confidant that she would have another affair if she had the chance. She called me her "room mate" and said I was welcome to stay but she was moving on. I trust the source.
Beyondaffairsnetwork.com AWESOME site for betrayed spouses. DB coaching has been very beneficial for me as well. When an affair is involved, you can use as many resources as possible. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Hope this site will help with some understanding about affairs & what is "normal" r/t to them. NOTHING about an affair is really "normal" or rational BUT it is helpful to see that what you are experiencing with your W grieving her affair partner/saying things like she never loved you...are ways they are re-writting their history etc. Very COMMON. Hope this helps!! Hang in there. Affairs are devastating...and when I realized AFTER I worked through alot of the affair issues, I still had our marraige issues underneath. The affair was a product of the marraige issues.
H 42, W 41 M 23, T 26 2Kids: S 19, D 16 H had 2 year PA Seperated
