Wifes works, has steady income, works 4 10 hour days, has a 3 day weekend mostly every week.
I work on commission only, good months / not so good months. I work 12 to 14 hours during week and work weekends to catch up on what didn't get done during week. Just trying to survive so that we can make ends meet.
W and I don't can't seem to connect these days on issues like money, keeping up with the house.
The daughter that lives with us lives like a slob. Clothes end up where ever they land within the house. Sleeps where she wants. W doesn't do anything about it. Rooms looked like a hurricane went through. Neither daughter nor wife help with anything around the house... Dishes pile up, nothing get straightened up, let alone dusted or vacumed... W does help with the laundry...
W sits on computer for most of her time off doing facebook games or looking for deals on craigslist or freecycle. W also does not do anything housework wise like cleaning or vacumming... W may only cooks when she feels like it, otherwise everything is fast food. Will shop for necessary groceries like coffee or household items like laundry detergent, but not much else.
W also does not have any value of money... Tried to do many budgets, but they all fall apart due to wife spending habits. Just spends money whenever she feels like on whatever she wants and we just can't seem like we can't get a head monetarily... We can't even pay some bills...
If it gets done I do it... I do the bills, yardwork, housework, dishes.
I have tried to talk to wife about how I feel. It is like it does not register...
W was diagnosed as being bi-polar. So now taking medication... I am hoping and praying that the med's will help....
I love my wife, but I am not sure how much I can take living in a house and with individuals who don't seem to care about a whole lot of anything.
I feel very discouraged. My patience is running out...
Feel like I am on a treadmill that won't stop or on a road to nowhere...
What is a husband to do in this situation... I don't want to end up with another fail marriage!!! Any advice would be deeply appreciated...
Just a thought. One of my 180's is about money. I was always the frugal pennypincher, while W spends freely because she works. Now that she's planning on D, she's constantly thnking about money and how she'll manage as a divorcee. I've decided to just let the money concerns go. A "God will provide" attitude if you will. It's kind of liberating actually.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Is your wife willing to get some therapy to go along with her meds? Sometimes that is necessary.
I imagine you have to have a LOT of patience in your situation, and I bet that you have it. It's hard to go through something like this and feel that there are never any changes. But there are two DB things that I can think of that may HELP get the ball rolling:
1) Do something different. One thing. Pick ONE thing you want to improve. Go slowly. Ask for what you want and then drop it. For example: if you want your wife/your daughter, whoever--just ONE thing. don't pick up the pieces when it falls. How you ask is key: Power packaging (Keeping Love Alive). There's a thread on newcomers explains it.
2) FOCUS ON THE EXCEPTIONS. SOMETIMES, there is a day, an hour or a minute when she does soemthing positive on that list. Focus on that. Appreciate her for it. Remember the work you just did on power packaging--appreciate her or reward her in a way that has meaning for HER.
But what happens if it means not being able to pay the mortgage or the utilities because she doesn't want to be accountable?
I am curious how you would handle that?...
Your sitch is different, because my W is worried about $ but yours is not. So I have control.
I didn't know things were that dire for you. I would approach her as business partner and discuss the finances, and see where that takes you.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Hey, reccos. I am bipolar and I was beyond out of control. How long has she been on the medication? Your W sounds a lot like me when I was undiagnosed actually. It's not a fun place to be.
And it's not really fun for her either. I'm not asking you to pity her. But maybe I can help you get inside her head.
My mind was always moving a million miles an hour; it never let up. I could never get to sleep because my mind would run in circles. I could distinguish between right and wrong usually but not why it should matter. I avoided looking at all that I wasn't doing (i.e. - around the house, with my children, with my life) because it brought on the depression. When you're manic you'll do anything to stay up; when you're depressed you think you'll never be up again.
I lost myself my personality, my goals, my identity to a disorder that just plain sucks. But I got better. Not cured. We are never cured; for heaven's sake get help immediately if she decides that and goes off the meds! It's extremely dangerous. But I got better. I am me again, in ways that I haven't been for a very long time. And in some ways I never was before. I hope that gives you a bit of insight, and maybe a ray of hope too.
Oh, and the FB games - they require no mind power. It is soothing to just sit and veg out when your brain torments you all day. Doesn't mean she should sit there and do it all the time. But it is calming to escape the madness into silly, mindless nonesense.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
