What do you do after no (minimal) contact if the spouse hasn't initiated any sort of reunion? Is it time to just move on (which, if I am honest with myself, I won't do due to religious convictions), should I initiate some sort of contact?
Well, my wife left a year ago last week. She made the decision to leave over 2 years ago. In those two years, I have done some great things: reduced my debt substantially, began working out and put on 50 pounds of muscle; dramatically improved my relationship with my kids; became actively involved in my kids activities; quit smoking; became involved in my community; and quit drinking. I continue to grow and improve.
You've made some impressive changes, congratulations. You have kids together ... do you currently have any interactions with regards to them, and if so, how have they gone?
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Yes, I do have limited interaction with her about the kids and, unfortunately, we both have part-time jobs at the same place so I interact with her briefly there. Once every 2 weeks, which is when I usually talk about the kids.
All interactions are like nothing happened (which is appropriate because she never told me why she was leaving-I can guess). Or, is happening. We get a long just fine. There is always a little awkwardness at first, but no issues or fighting. I haven't had a relationship type talk with her since May. Our last interaction was a little more substantial, but equally light hearted.
She said she had to work on Thanksgiving and I invited her to come over afterward for some dinner. She said she "might just do that." I don't think she will, but she may if her friends don't have "better" plans (my guess).
I sense she still doesn't want to come home. I talked to her about quitting the part time job. She asked, "It's not just because of me is it?" I explained to her that I didn't like hearing about her life from other people and as she moves on I definately don't want to hear about other men. We talked lightly after this then me quitting came up again. I said that I didn't want to see her every two weeks. I paused. She stood there resolutely but I could tell she was somewhat bothered. Then I said, "I don't want to see you every two weeks, I want to see you every day." She looked at her hands and made a noise (her way of answering w/o answering), but didn't respond. I didn't belabor the point. I just moved on and said I hope we can talk someday. After that, back to old friend-like conversation.
So, basically, whenever we are together it's like she never left.
Our interactions about the kids are good to. I mainly coordinate/do activities with them. They are with me most of the time. Only once have we disagreed. I held firm and told her I wouldn't bring them over to her. She relented to my point-of-view and later apologized. So, no issues with the kids yet
Ok. So make this FUN. NO RELATIONSHIP TALK. She will be expecting that. Give her what she doesn't expect. If you played cards (when you had a blast), play cards. If you watched funny movies, do that. Do the fun WITHOUT THE PRESSURE.
EVEN IF SHE STARTS THE TALK...keep it light. Not flip. Just easy. Gentle. She will melt...even if she doesn't give you that feedback,s he will call her girlfirends. Don't show your hand.
I don't know if she's dated or not. I think she may have early in the separation, but I don't think she is active. I could be wrong. If she is, the kids haven't seen it either. She always makes a point to tell me she isn't sexually active in some whay or another. I just tell her that I don't want to hear it.
