I think its over help pls

[blue2010]

I have a couple of other threads going but they are seing little traffic so here is the latest. We are about 8 weeks past DDay. W and OM who WAS close family friend had EA/PA after she spent some time alone she grew more distant. She went through the whole anger resentment phase. Reportedly the affair is over. However I doubt it. But both WS claim it is. I am in contact with OM Spouse.
Last week OM made closure call since then their contact has increased as well as her contact with others. Or at least another number. Things she said were bad long before the A started she said she told me. She hinted she said, Straight foward english would have been good. She was a young mom. We have 5 kids 4 11 and under we are both 37. Role reversal at home due to employment.
This is what happened this morning. Well what to say what to do? At this point I don't know If any action matters. We just talked a little after she said she was going out to look at places. I acted nice. I said nicely, paraphrasing: so essentially you are done with me, nothing I can say will change anything you do and you are going to move out. Her response: I guess so. (seperation and the D word not mentioned)
I kindly thanked her for a good 15 years that I thought were good, as she left and hugged her. Maybe this was not the best Divorce busting move.
She has kept this line of statements coming since D-Day. She says all this began long before the affair. So does anything I do matter? A Plan, B Plan, Div Busting, 7 Step. I mean I will keep doing the 180's because it is bettering me which makes my home better for the Kids. But the W. Is there any point. What a shame. If she had only directly stated her issues over the years instead of hinting. I feel as though I just need to move on.
Next couples counselor appointment in 9 days. Is it even worth exposing the affair? She says also wether or not she talks to OM this is her path so it doesn't matter. I directly asked if the plan was for OM to move in she claims to be doing this for herself with no clue what OM is doing?

Thanks again everyone

I hope Tomorrow is better than today.

I have read DB DR

[LanceSijan]

I would try to keep this thread going here in Newcomers.
You should get more traffic on your thread here.

Your wife must look within in order to solve her issues.
There is NOTHING you can control to make this happen.
It is her journey, and you are now on your own journey.
Work on yourself and fix that which you need to work on.
Read about detachment, and start LRT.

It is very possible what she has said is true, that does not mean she is going to come running back to you.
Get out and GAL.
Be the best DAD that you can be.
Your children are the most important thing right now.

If I understand you, you stay home with the kids and your wife works.
If she move out what consequences will that have on your finances?
You need to protect your children.

Thats it for starters.
Keep us posted.

[blue2010]

That is correct I am home do I expose the affair I am being given a very strong opinion on another forum that I do. I almost feel she fits into WAW and midlife I don't know my poor kids. She blind sided me.

[dbmod]

I only have a minute, but I want to respond to you.

Do not expose her. DO the LRT.

What have your 180s been?

And do not have these talks with her right now.

[Rob1971]

Oops my thread was deleted, take a look at Rob X and coachs threads, make up your own mind but it workd very well for them

[Steve McQueen]

First order of business. Gain Employment! ASAP.

[SpinFree]

First order of business. Gain Employment! ASAP.

^ What he said.

Your wife likely does not respect you because of your dependency on her income. Gaining a job in which you are respected will help that a lot (regardless of the outcome of your marriage).

If your marriage fails, you will need the income.

SpinFree

[blue2010]

I am not dependent on her income I have a salary that will not leave me.And part time employment our incomes are equal she only works 24 hours a week more if she wants. All my income goes to house and kids.

[sgctxok]

disbelief,

What 180s have you done? What is her stereotype of you?
Hang in there, you can do this.

sg

[blue2010]

Addressed her complaints. Cleaned up even more after myself can only do so much more I have the kids most of the time. Her biggest complaint is that I didn't hear her complain all these years. Well when you ask sombody if everything is ok and they say yes and you try to double check and they get mad you tend to believe all is well. I was never neat enough I was to critical I stopped listening. I can't listen now she wont talk. I didn't pick up on her hints. 180s pma, backing off. Singing again. Cleaning now instead of later just doing instead of waiting for her. Getting kids to church....I was always waiting on her to go. Started not being there I am always home so she complained I interfered. With her being mom, I am giving more space there too.

She has stuck with moving out she has talked and txt with om last 3 days it had stopped