so, last night was w visit with the kids. she called me at work to say she had no way to get to see them. I offered to pick her up so they kids could see her.
The drive was ver interesting, she wanted to talk. She is stressed out, she says she cant find a job. She cant pay anything for her car and she doesnt want it to hurt my credit. I told her not to worry about it, i would take care of it. We then talked about her health. Her cancer hasnt spread this time and the treatments seem to be working. told her i was very glad for that.
We talked about how she was doing and what she was doing for herself. Surprisingly she is doing nothing. I asked her why she brings all her issues to me and not OM. She said its hard to explain. So I said try. She says their relationship is different. They like each others company but they dont discuss life. I was a little shocked by this but kept that to myself. I did say that when your in a relationship, the 2 people shuold discuss the issues and find solutions to the problems. They have lived together for 9 months now, they should be solving her financial issues together. She shouldnt always come to me to figure it out. They apparantly dont discuss real world issues. when they are together they enjoy each others company, they dont talk about life, their future or pretty much anything that could cause stress. I just simply said, well that sounds like you will go far in that relationship. Life has stress, life has committments, and if you cant share them with your partner, well then things can get kinda lonely.
She told me that it was hard, she has strong feelings for OM but its hard to be with someone that everyone you love wont accept. She tries to leave and she gets sucked back in. At this point all I said was, "is this relationship worth all of the stress that its costing you? her reply, thats the question of the year.
On the way to drop her off, i reaqlly didnt say much, i told her that if she needed to talk, if i could i would listen. If i wasnt able to, she would have to respect that and not get angry when i tell her I cant. She did ask me why it took so long for me to change, and i simply said, i'm a stubborn fool, i need to lose everything that was important to me before it sunk in. She said that it was too bad, that the changes ive made are great, but she feels to late.
I didnt say anything after that. I dropped her off at home told her goodbye and my thoughts were with her.
This is incredibly beautiful. What a heart you have. I'm sorry it's taking awhile, but I believe she could be close to a turning point. It's really key that she could fee 'safe' to come back,and 'save face'. You appear to be incredibly loving. I believe you will succeed.
I just found this for someone else....but I think you are a GREAT example. So for your encouragement:
I will let everyone know that my wife sent me an email thanking me for listening and helping her to see the kids and allowing her to stay at the house.
She then began to say that I was a good man and i needed to move on with my life. I need to find happiness.
So i am kinda at a loss and dont know how to respond to this one.
Don't sweat it. You can just say you were trying to reassure family and friends that you two were getting along just fine for the kids or something like that. You can be kind of vague and just say you were comforting family/friends who were concerned, no worries. Then drop it.
Well, that was a busy weekend. I just had my 2 youngest and we had a blast.
I was planning on putting up the christmas decorations and the christmas tree but my daughter wouldnt let me. She was upset, as it is a mommy thing to set up the tree etc. She would have nothing to do with me doing it. She asked her mom to do it with them on Tuesday night during her visit. So i am a bad guy if i say no, and i have to suffer if I allow her to do it.
I kept pretty calm about it and told her I would think about it. Not sure I can handle her being here setting up for Christmas. Besides, shouldnt i get the kids to realize things are different, mommy wont be around for christmas. not sure what to do.
Ok, so I got another email from the unknown person. This time the told me some interesting things about my W and her new life. They told me she got fired from her job, she pawned our wedding rings and her engagement ring. So i asked her, she didnt tell me anything.
Here is where I had a bad lapse of judgement. I called her old employer and asked for a reference for her. For every question I pretty much got the "no comment reply". I then went to the car dealership, paid them some money on her arrears and got access to the car. There is enough evidence in the car to get her jail time. She owes money to everyone including pay day advance places.
So now i have a car full of stuff that could create a lot of trouble for her. I couldnt leave it there. I am actually getting scared, she is still on title to my house and this could go from bad to worse.
i just dont even know what to say to her. She is leading a totally different life! I am taking some valium and staying away from my phone the rest of the night.
I'm sorry to hear it, Tank. I'm not sure what you mean by incriminating evidence but I think you need to get legal advice immediately. It sounds like your W may now be a danger not only to herself but your children's security also.
Well,I dont need legal advise on this matter. I have packed it all up and given it to my lawyer. She didnt quit her great paying job. Instead it seems the thrill of the affair wore off so she resorted to stealing from people. What she did is a federal offense in both Canada and the U.S. She is still under investigation with her old employer and I have not talked to her to see what has been done to date. i am shocked she left all this sitting in the car when she returned the car to the dealer.
The worst part about all this was the 7 attempts of writing a letter to OM trying to explain why she left. So she came home under false pretenses and when her fears about the OM not accepting her and loving her were lifted, obviously by his conversation with her, she ran right back to him.
She has spiralled out of control. She has lost everything she has worked so hard to obtain. Her kids, her family, her home, car and her financial security.
To be honest, Ihave to ask myself wether I want to bust the affair and work on my marriage. I think I have hit the end of the road here. She has done nothing but cause me pain and financial trouble. Now it seems it could get worse from here on out.
