Need Advice

[Barkley]

Ok....I did not know where to post this. My divorce is final and I already need dating advice, haha. I am trying to take things slow but have been on several dates. I was not really interested in the dates I had been on until this one woman, I barely knew from college, asked me out on Facebook. She is smokin hot and just happens to be a sorority sister of my ex-wifes. We had a good lunch then another good date where I ended up staying the night with her (although no sex as she wouldn't let it go that far). Anyway, she was all into me, flirting, texting, and calling......then all of the sudden will not return my calls or texts for a few days. I feel like she is playing with me and it is driving me fricking nuts. Help!

[kml]

Well - you can't really know at this point of time exactly what is going on, but you CAN scotch your chances with her by appearing too needy or TOO into her. So I suggest no more calls or texts to her until SHE contacts YOU.

Maybe her old boyfriend showed up back in town, maybe she decided she wasn't that into you, maybe she had a death in the family and has been out of town, maybe you were too enthusiastic and she felt the need to back off, who knows? Just don't ASSume anything, and go on about your business. If she's into you, she'll get back in touch. If she's not - you don't want her anyway.

[Barkley]

Good point! I guess I'll go "Han Solo" on her and see what happens

[ImprovedRomeo]

If she's into you, she'll get back in touch. If she's not - you don't want her anyway.

^^ this!!!!

[Barkley]

she actually contacted me last night......going out this evening

[Golfgirl1]

Hi Barkley,
Let me give some dating advice. Often times I think I take the opposite view of most people on here...

First off, when was your divorce final? You just got the "bomb" this past Feb. and you're already dating? What's the hurry? The way I see it, you need to spend some time really grieving and really being alone again to find out who you are and what you want. You have to learn to be "whole" again before you can go out and start over with someone else. Without feeling, the healing can't begin. Does that make sense?

At this point, it sounds like you are getting yourself into a "rebound relationship" and that usually doesn't end up so well. Please get the book, "Rebuilding, When Your Relationship Ends" and you'll see what I mean.

My XH gave me the bomb in May 2009, our divorce was final this past May, and I just started dating about a month ago. Prior to that, I hung out with myself and my new friends and learned how to be happy and complete again. I'm telling you, be careful. You're very vulnerable now and not thinking clearly...I've been there!

[Golfgirl1]

Why are you dropping your life to go out with her? She didn't contact you for a few days and then you "jump" when she calls. What is that saying to her? Remember, you dictate how people treat you....

[soleil]

How did your date go, Barkley?

[Barkley]

Don't worry golf girl, I'm not going to get into a rebound relationship. I'm just trying to go out and have some "fun". The date went well, good wine and conversation....

[Golfgirl1]

Glad to hear it! I'm just always going to be the little "reality check" for everyone on here.

I was exactly where you are and just trying to help others avoid mistakes.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!