Well a little update on my sitch. Oct 1, 2009 bomb, ilybinilwy. W's PA starts in late oct/ early november with co-worker. Exposed by love note found in garbage april 1st, W tells me can't see her life with me, can't imagine it without me april 15, W moves back home and is committed to making it work May 15. Says she owes me and the kids everything, can't believe everything I have done to show her how much I love her and thanks me for giving her another chance.
So fast forward 6 months, everything has been going real good, none of the old problems have re-surfaced, we get along great, go on date everyweek, we do loving things for each other, try to meet each others needs..... ect. WE ARE DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS.
In the past month, I have noticed a little pull back from W, not texting much during day, very little interest sexually, crying, confused, says this doesn't feel right...
So when we first got back together I agreed to it saying I want a fair shot to win your heart, she thought that we make this the best we can and then we both decide what is best for us. Lately she has changed her mind and says that her feelings are like she had 3 years ago that we just don't have the core connection that you need in a marriage and that she could make the decision to divorce on her own because if it's not right for one of us then it's not right for both of us.
We are signed up for RETRO early december and I plan on seeing how that goes and make a decision from there.
Last week I found a text from OM (sent 6 weeks ago)(he sent a text to his grandma and then forwarded to my W) It said how great their connection was, how he still loves her.. he is trying to make his marriage into something decent. So I confrunted W on how disrespectful this is to me to allow him to continue to talk to you like this. I tell her how can you expect your feelings to change for me if you allow him to continue to be a part of your life? She ALWAYS defends him saying stuff like "he isn't a bad guy, he isn't meaning to disrespect you."
She says she loves me so much and can't imagine ever loving anyone as much as me, but at the same time, she told me she thought OM was her soul mate, and never says a bad word about him. and almost always defends his bs behavior towards me and our decision to try and work on our marriage.
I guess I am just looking for some input. I'm about ready to pull the plug on this crap.
so jack what should tjack do? it sounds like hes dong the right things and his wife is still acting iffy and has guy she cheated with on the brain its like whatever he does he the bad guy yet she cheated on him
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
First, remeber buddy that this is YOUR life so YOU need to make the choices that YOU can live with. Having said this, here is MO...
1) Sit tight until December and see how retro goes. From what I hear it is very good.
2) While sitting tight, figure out WHY you are so scared that she may leave. Fear has control over what YOU let it have control over.
3) Go read the DR books
4) GAL and act like everything is fine. Do not push her at all
5) Pour yourself a large glass of shut the f*ck up (aka STFU) and stop bring up the OM.
Keep defending him and YOU continue to push her towards him.
Ok?
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Yes I read DR and DB, we have done mort fertel's marriage fitness program and are working very hard to understand each other. I have given alot of trust back to my W, but once she started waffling again, I did look at her phone and was pissed that Om still won't leave her alone.
I want her to be happy and be fufilled in her marriage and I know that I would be perfectly fine without her. I guess my problem is that in order to give this a fair shot 1) it would take a long time of hard work to make it feel right 1 or 2 years. 2) Om would be completely out of the picture for enough time to give me a fair shot at her heart.
I know that she loves me very deeply and if it is all possible, she wants to make this work. She is very conflicted on why it just doesn't feel right. I hope that RETRO will give us some direction as to how to move forward and show us how we can build the connection and marriage that we want.
1) I don't attack OM on a regular basis, mabey 6 times in 6 months and only once is the past 3 months. 2) I am not scared of getting divorced at all, I know that I can only control myself and my actions. Through all of this I have found the person that I am and I show that every day through my actions. I am a GREAT husband and if she doesn't want to be with me, I won't have a problem finding someone that does. 3) I am very committed to working on myself, continuing to be the best father and husband I can be and doing whatever possible to save this marriage. I AM prepared to let go completely and move on if that is what it takes
You gave it back? Did she earn it back? Big difference and one is "shame on you."
With me and my wife?
I told her I knew that OM was going to contact her, it had nothing to do with her wanting him too, she did tell him to stop and he wouldn't.
I told her that while I knew that, I expected her to tell me when he did.
She said she didn't want to get me upset.
I said that yes while I would get mad, it wouldn't be at her, unless she didn't tell me. It would show intent.
What you want Tjack is for it to be cut and dry over. The OM doesn't always make that the case, and it very well could be that she told him it was over and he just isn't accepting that.
Part of the process for me and my wife working together was her getting rid of all his gifts and telling me when he did contact her and to show me the emails, no matter how much she thought it would hurt me. Transparency.
I bet the OM wished you had dropped out of the picture too.
If your going to get upset when HE contacts her, and she is being sincere with you...you lose, and he wins.
Her getting over him? In her head, sadly has to happen on her time. But right now, attacking him is hurting you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
