WAW. Would it help if she new she was.

[habitacker]

I was wandering if a WAW could benefit from knowing she is one. For example: If my wife would see michele's video on WAW. When i saw the video i new that was my wife. Is this possible or am i just trying to speed up the process so she will talk about our relationship. If i could get her to try, the little hope i have would turn into almost 100 percent confidence. I have done a 180. (for myself). I see how easy we can fix this if she would just start cracking that wall. Thanks.

[dbmod]

Hi habitacker,

Welcome to divorcebusting.com!

Do not show your wife the materials or try to explain the WAW to her. It will backfire.

What kind of 180 have you done and how does this match up with her complaints.

[MrBond]

habitacker,

Sorry that you find yourself here. You won't find a more caring group of individuals determined to help you in your M.

Could you give a little background as to your situation, ages, kids?, etc.

[habitacker]

I may have already made a mistake asking her to read a book called the walk away woman. Can not take that back now.
It is strange because she really has not had complaints. Meaning she kept everything to her self. Now I can see some of these after the bomb hit. The biggest thing is i was mentally abusive. Just a angry,mean guy. I do not ever remember being mad at her though. She was my vent.
The bomb hit about 2 months ago. Have not had an ounce of anger since. Because of shame. That is my biggest 180. No anger. I am way happier with myself. The 180 is not a fake. It is sad to say that before this happened i was really tired of being mad all the time and was ready to change myself.
We have been married 12 years and been together 20. I am the only man she has been with. We have a boy 7 and a girl 3.
When she hit me with the news i did what you would expect. Beg and plead. It worked. She said she would give me a chance. She says she has not loved me for 3 to 5 years. That hurt because our daughter is 3.
Anyway, i have not seen this chance. At first i figured a chance was to work on the marriage. NOPE. Her words were i am like a roomate that you don't even like. ouch.
About 2 weeks ago is the first i had heard of WAW. It fit perfectly. I am by no means making any excuses for what i have done. I have great remorse exactly like Michele's video about WAW says a husband would have.
The only doubt i have in the 180 is that from day 1 this is exactly what my wife wanted me to do. Not to fix us. I am sure it is to have me become a better person and she is giving me time to get myself together and be strong when the time comes for us to end. So in my eyes a 180 helps her get rid of me. I am torn. She is a very beautiful kind person. There has been no anger shown or any mean things from her at all and there never has been. Sometimes over the years i wish she would have just got mad instead of taking it in and letting it all out like this. I did not see it coming.
I truly believe if we could talk about the R, it can be fixed. I have to wait for her for that though. I guess i should not have pushed that book on her but at the time i thought if she understood that divorce will not solve our problems it might of helped. I really just want her to be happy. With me of course.

[habitacker]

I wish I could talk to her about everything I have learned about myself and us. When you do a little research it is amazing what you find. Hey! that is me., Hey! that is her. Hey!that is us.
When I first started reading books and doing research I skipped over the chapters about communication. I did not think that was a problem. I thought it was bigger than that. I was wrong! It is all about our communication.
Before marriage it was like a sponge wanting to know about eachother and we did not even realize it. That all stopped when we got married. Why? Got to comfortable i guess. This is the only thing that makes me realize that this is not all my fault. She does not know how to communicate either.
It stinks because now I want to communicate but I can not talk abut the R. She is so scared to talk about it,I do not think she will ever come to me to talk.

[tank]

habitacker, communication is key at the right time, right now you have to work on showing her you have changed. If she is still living in the house, then all is not lost. Keep improving yourself. Dont point out all that you have done. Be upbeat and happy all the time when around her or anyone else. She will notice the changes. If you can bring back the spark between the two of you, she will remember the good times. all is not lost my friend.

[habitacker]

Thanks for the support tank. Everything you just said is my strategy. For myself and for the R. I have to admit the upbeat and happy part is really hard. I know these changes are supposed to be for me, but at this moment I have to fake the happy face a lot.