He is inching his way toward me more than at any time in out 9 year marriage.
I have to be more patient I know but man is this hard.
I don't see R talks as the factor that determines whether one is in Piecing or not. I see Piecing as connection restored, which creates the potential for increased communication and problem-solving. It's probably too soon for you two to discuss charged topics around long-standing problems.
It's hard to accept the R as it is, because we would like more from our partners. Working on acceptance, love, compassion, boundaries, and patience is our struggle and practice.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Its just weird to live the life of a married person with no real marriage to work on.
You mentioned in an earlier post that the R is going in the best direction it has in nine years and then you make the above comment.
You don't have the mindset of someone in Piecing. You're letting your frustration and impatience overwhelm you. You speak of positives in the R, yet punish him for not getting what you want. I'm not sure what you want from him at this time. The R shows signs of life, and because it's not growing fast enough for you, you pluck it out of the ground.
You make opiniions about what's in his mind. Are you sure you're right? Is boycotting doing errands for him going to move things forward and keep you two connected? How do you know he's not ready to piece? Are you putting enough energy into making yourself ready to piece?
You are not yet in a Piecing mindset. Focus less on him and more on getting yourself into a loving, compassionate, allowing, self-care, boundary-setting mindset.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, You are so right. I thank you from my heart for your strong words of reality. I was soooo frustrated when I wrote some of my posts. Your comment about boycoting the erands was right on. And you are right. It isn't moving fast enough for me. However, I am continuing my Co-Denendent 12 step program and just last night the topic was acceptance. Boy was that good timing. I am working on facing my fears of all kinds. As a matter of fact, one of them has been my insecurity in the kitchen and cooking. Never been good at it. So what I started on Sunday is a weekly "I get in the kitchen a do a gourmet meal". It actually was great and H was really pleased and gave me a kiss. May not sound like a lot, but haven't had one in eons. I am just figuring out how to find the comments people write to me so it has taken me a while to get back to you. Again thank you for your support and reality.
