Hi. I know there are multiple threads here, but I really don't know where to start on here or how to jump in, so I'm just going to start a thread if that is okay. My story: Me-31, DH-31, DD-7 months We have been married for 10 years. In 2007 we started trying for a baby, but went through 3 years of infertility including invitro fertilization before becoming pregnant in Aug 09. Our baby was born in April. I thought we had the perfect marriage. In fact I prayed almost daily for our daughter to have the kind of happiness we did when she got married--that's how good I thought we were. My DH was always so supportive and loving to me. Things started changing towared end of July. I thought it was just stress from his job, plus I was getting ready to return to work after maternity leave. Then on Aug 20 he told me he only loved me like a "sister" and not the way a husband should love a wife. Then, on Sept 25 he admitted to an affair that he had supposedly ended the night before. He left for a few days. Came back, left again. Came back. On Oct 23 O found out who the OW was. He left again and has not come back. He says it is over with her, but filed for divorce on Wed. He said he feels like our marriage won't work and he doesn't have it in him to try b/c he feels like he has given and given for the last 10 years and got nothing in return. I admit, to not being as affectionage as I should have been b/c I didn't have to be--he was always affectionage and initiating sex. So, here we are. I had my first DB coach session last pm. I felt so good afterward, but now I'm back to feeling hopeless. I wish I could talk to a coach everyday! So, any advice or suppor would be greatly apprciated. Thanks.
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
Welcome to divorcebusting.com! I'm glad you have been able to talk to a DB coach. It will be helpful to know what your coach has told you, so we can support you in that.
We are here to support you in healing your family. Take heart....there IS hope....divorces are busted all the time here!
Hi! My DB coach advised me to stop talking about the relationship and act like the strong, confident woman I was when we met and fell in love. She suggested that I act okay with the space and seperation/pending divorce and act as if I am truly moving on with my life. She suggested I be a generous and great friend to him--be thoughtful, courteous, and giving. At the same time; however, I take care of myself and always appear my best when he is around visiting with our daughter. I've tried these techniques since Thursday and so far notice no change in him or his decision to divorce, but my DB coach also told me not to expect any quick change or response from him. So, I'm just trying to follow her advice and see where it takes me. It's difficult b/c I miss him so much and want to save my marriage, but all the pleading and crying I've done to this point have only pushed him further away from me and he admits that I've pushed him away. I want to do anything to save my marriage b/c I know we can be happy and I want to raise my daugther with us together and give her the life she deserves and that God intended us to give her when He blessed us with her.
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
The first time my husband and I had problems was when our daughter was about the age of yours. It's very easy when you have an infant - especially your first! - to stop paying attention to each other and devote all your attention to your precious baby. Your H may feel, like mine did, that he is competing with baby for your attention and losing. I unfortunately didn't learn that lesson well enough, and we started having similar problems when baby2 was about 10 months old.
It may help you to take more of an interest in him.
Cajun: I'm definitely trying to show more interest in him and what's going on with him. He is trying to find a new job and is looking for an apartment, so I'm showing interest in all that--even though talking to him about an apt is heartbreaking (he is staying with a friend right now). I can't show any sexual interest b/c neither of us feel that is appropriate given the situation we are in--being separated and divorce filed. I would love to be with him physically and would ove to initiate that contact, but I don't need anymore rejection and feel it would go against the 180 I'm trying right now. Before we separated I was trying to initiate intimacy a lot. It got me nowhere, so I'm not trying that now--plus we don't see each other often. I know he felt rejected by both me and our daughter after we had her and that led to the affair. So, I'm just trying to be kind and forgiving to him and be the friend and parenting partner he needs right now. I only hope and pray these efforts help us reconcile and I hope he notices the change.
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
