My wife cheated, swears she didn't go out looking for it, says it is over but still has feelings. I can mostly confirm NC with OM. She was the shy type you would have never expected to. She also is the quiet type likes to avoid conflict. Now I wonder after reading all these posts ebooks and other books if a persons core personality really should be considered when you gauge your reactions to everything in order to get a response. EXample: The sure way for her not to talk to me about anything for a longer period of time would be for me to continue acting mad, confronting, yelling. If i behave like her friend again we can communicate and we have kids. So how do you balance this. Is it Like peeling an onion? 1 layer at a time to finally have full disclosure and discussion???? The look in her eyes now is not anger or sadness what I saw today was that look a lost child gets. She keeps letting me a little bit closer. This is a very strange place to be in life. I don't like this place. How do I continue to handle this? Quasi seperation starting now with schedules putting us apart.
So I guess the question is what to do? Do I just see where my tolerance leads me? Stay backed off ?
Have you read Divorce Busting or the Divorce Remedy? Get your hands on one of those books and read it. You'll find your answer there.
You are absolutely right - when you act angry and confront and raise your voice, you are not going to be someone your wife wants to talk to (think about it - do you want to talk to someone who's reacting from those negative emotions?).
When you get yourself in check - set appropriate boundaries and live within them - then speak to your wife in a loving way - she's going to be much more likely to want to talk to you and reconnect with you and the marriage.
It's counterintuitive - but it works.
Get the book. The DBing philosophy is useful in every aspect of your life - and it's a very very good start to saving your marriage when it's in crisis.
Take care, V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
