I have been reading here in MLC for a few weeks now, and feel that my STBX husband is a prime candidate! He is having an affair, for about 5-6 months, she is also married, but has recently separated from her husband, and she is only 4 years younger than he is. He still insists that she is just a friend, and introduces her that way,well I don't know about anybody else, but I don't sleep over with my friends of the opposite sex(guess cause they are all married) He is very impressed with her, says she is so professional, and that he fell in love with her at first sight. He has really checked out of the real world, and is also trying to take care of his Mother, who has had multiple strokes, and is paralyzed and depends on him for her financial things, and things for her house. He has let OW in on all the financials. She now knows all of his Mom's financial business. He proudly takes her to visit MIL, and everyone he can. I heard the ILYBNILWY, we haven't been "in love" for years, he hasn't loved me for years, he loves her. We had problems, I am unhappy, I want to do what I want, I can't sit here and grow old, etc...I think he covered most of the bases. He started acting weird when I confronted him about her, waffled a lot, he wanted to stay, he wanted to leave, he apologized, wanted to work it out, which he said with no feeling at all.
And he just doesn't acknowledge that I am alive. No contact between us in the last two months except an email a little more than a month ago, and phone call longer ago than that. I haven't seen him in more than 2 1/2 months. He filed for divorce in less than 2 months of separation, but now isn't signing the settlement aggreement either and he got that 3 weeks ago.
I should also mention that my Mom died last December, and they really liked each other. In thinking back, I know that he has changed in the last 4 years, just little things that maybe didn't speak to me before, but now in reading the posts here and thinking back, I can see them.
I let him keep the house, he just couldn't seem to really look for anyplace to live, and was very confused at the time. And I felt it was better for me to leave, the house needs lots of work, which he has been putting off. Now, he still has not refinanced the house, or gotten insurance on it, which I am paying for currently. That was the last email, which I did not respond to as I thought he was taking care of it all. I had it put into the paperwork that he only has 30 days to re-fi, or put it on the market. He does think right now that he can do what he wants, and since his feet are not planted on the ground, I'm sure he feels he is above listening to the court about that. He says he doesn't have the money to re-fi the house, but strangely enough, he spends a lot of money on other things. Son is keeping up on that, says he has been spending a lot of money on stupid things.
I feel like I am almost also going through this too, and it stinks! I know that the pain will ease, and that crying is really the normal thing, and well did they really reject us if they aren't in their right mind? I guess I'm asking if this is the "real McCoy" here? It sounds like it to me, and I'm not sure it will make any difference in the long run. I still miss him, and being married and I know that that will also fade with time. I guess like everyone else, I just have that burning desire to know if that's what this is. It does help with the rejection, and the feelings of it's all my fault...
Me; 52 H; 54 M 25 S 22 Bomb drop 6/14/2010 S 7/9/10 H filed 9/7
Welcome to the MLC board. I see that Lance has given you the resource reading to get you started.
We are not professionals here and you are the only one who can determine whether you think your H is in a MLC. One thing that's a main indicator of MLC is confusion. MLC = Confusion.
Read the resources, ask questions and keep posting your sitch. You'll get our opinions and we're all here to help each other through.
Fasten your seatbelt cause it's one heck of a ride.
I've read all the stuff, that's what made me think that he's MLC. I did so many things wrong/bad at the onset of the break up. I hope that I didn't stick him in there forever, but I also know that means that he won't come back to me. When he needed something...and I think he's at least looking for acceptance, he sure didn't get it from me. I was hurt and angry. At least I can say what it was, that is some comfort in knowing. I'm not as bad a person as he keeps telling everyone! Thanks all for your suggestions on the reading material. I will keep on reading, it's hard to GAL with all the reading on these boards.
Me; 52 H; 54 M 25 S 22 Bomb drop 6/14/2010 S 7/9/10 H filed 9/7
Thanks IB, I have read a lot of your posts! You are an awesome woman, and are dealing with all of it well. I have good days too, and man do I look forward to those! I'm going through some anger right now, and a friend who has been through divorce says it's a good thing, it will help me out with detaching and letting go. My poor dog is scared though, she gets to hear all the yelling I have it under control, so I am just waiting this part out too. The good thing is, I know that I am going to make it, and it's getting better. I have never been a a go go go person, but do get out with my friends.
STBX sent me an email, seems I forgot to change an account and it's coming out of our old joint account. He seemed decent about it all, just made me more angry. I am working on a reply, he is still dragging his feet about getting the house insurance changed, seems funny that he is worried about a charge to his account, when I'm paying his bills! They are a different creature.
I'm glad that it's not about me, I wouldn't want to be that messed up. But then, in thinking back, it's been about him for some time. He's got a lot to deal with. I think my head would explode if I was where he is at.
Thanks again IB for the encouragement! I hope that you have a great day
Me; 52 H; 54 M 25 S 22 Bomb drop 6/14/2010 S 7/9/10 H filed 9/7
Hopefully your homework assignments are well under way. If you have any questions please feel free to post them here. The only dumb question is the one you do not ask.
This stuff is hard and all that homework must be done more than once. I still refer to things that I have read, but re-read again, over and over, because as I gain more knowledge some of it becomes more clear.